Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

Self-Love

Self-love is a concept that we all know is really important but sometimes to some people, it’s hard to grasp. And some people struggle with it.

I know in my past, I was so insecure and that plays into my depression. And I honestly didn’t know what self-love was at this time. I thought so negatively because how I was treated when I was younger and I had such a low self-esteem. Why would someone treat me so badly if I was worth more or loved more?

WRONG

I wish I could just go back in time and shake younger me and just let myself know that don’t listen to those people and that you are so wanted and love. Because that’s something I really needed when I was younger.

But if I didn’t go through that, I wouldn’t be where I am today and learning what I am. I wouldn’t have the passion that I do today. Even to this day, I still get insecure and I still struggle with loving myself.

Going through these struggles has taught me to celebrate the small steps in the big journey. Self-love and recovery is such a long and hard journey. Taking the first step is huge and it’s extremely courageous. Taking the first step to bettering yourself or in recovery is much more challenging then most people think it is and no one really knows how challenging it is until they have to take that first step also.

Here are some of my personal tips for improving your self-love

  1. Do something small for yourself, that includes treating yourself. Order your favorite pizza because you enjoy it
  2. Treat yourself to a spa day (d.i.y. or an actual spa)
  3. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself at least 3 times a day
  4. Write yourself a small encouraging note (or many of them!)
  5. Thank yourself for the things you do
  6. Make a positivity wall with your favorite motivational and encouraging quotes
  7. Make a small change that doesn’t affect your life dramatically or anyone else
    • Like adding more greens to your diet or cut the junk food just a little bit. Eat more fruit, drink more water, exercise more
  8. Count your blessing because being grateful can go such a long way!

I hope these tips are helpful and I hope your journey is extremely successful! If anyone can do it, it’s you!!

Keep it strong and keep it dorky!

With lots of love, Jade♥

 

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Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, reminders, Tips/Advice

This is NOT okay

Have you had a message from someone and when you read it… your heart sudden drops. I have, I got a text an hour ago from someone who I thought was my friend…

Not only did my heart drop but I felt my soul darken by it too, which is a feeling that barely ever happens.

I got a text saying, “I hope you slice your arm open you f*cking loser”

I’m speechless, how could anyone ever say that… how could someone I trusted as a friend of mine… say that to me. I thought he was my friend, he knew that I have depression, he knows that I am recovering from self-harm and I’ve had suicidal thoughts.

How is this okay to say to me… How is this okay to say to anyone at all..?

It’s not. It’s NOT okay. At all to say to anyone, under any circumstances.

Suicide and self-harm is not something to joke around with or to wish upon anyone. This is someone’s health and someone’s life. Would you wish someone had cancer? No, what about heart/lung disease? I don’t think so.

So why do we have people saying to one another “I hope you kill yourself” or “I hope you slice your arm open”

Why is this a thing to say to others because this can cause someone to have triggering thoughts and can drive them to accomplish these actions?

This is not okay, and we need to put a stop to wishing this upon people because it’s just a slap in the face to people with mental illnesses too, it’s insulting.

So with this unfortunate event that happens on a day where I was celebrating (I  got my driver license today), I spent the afternoon, imagining things I never would’ve imagined without this person saying what he said to me. And remember the times where I have self-harm in the past.

So what I want to say is if/when someone says this to you (and I hope that never happens) don’t listen to it.. don’t let someone like that affect you in any way and I know that may be hard but you are better than that. You deserve better than that.

You are amazing, you matter and you matter so so much. You are worthy and you are needed alive.

If you or anyone you know is thinking about harming themselves or others or considering suicide…. please get help. There are help and people who are dedicated to seeing you alive that are trained to help you…

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Help is out there and you matter so so much.

Keep being the amazing person you are and don’t forget to keep it dorky.

With lots of love, Jade ♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Resources, Tips/Advice

Blog SPOTLIGHT~ Gains & Brains

Hey Lovelies! So I had another blogger reach out to me about sharing my story with mental health and fitness, well I kind of had like a mini story but not really a story but we were talking a little and I absolutely love the idea of fitness and Mental health.

Of course, all the professionals and studies say that exercise is a great way to help cope with a mental illness, because it releases neurotransmitters that make you feel good and happy.

If you, yourself, have experience fitness as a coping mechanism (or a way of life) and it has helped you on your mental health journey…. PLEASE reach out to her and share your story! It would be amazing and you never know who you can help out and inspire!

https://gainsandbrains.com/ 

I asked Stevie (The amazing and beautiful blogger behind Gains & Brains- I know really catchy name!) to share her story because I wanted you all to see how fitness can change your life or your mental state because I for one, do fitness-y type stuff!

Side Story: I’ve danced for years and it has helped me with my depression and just help me release all the stress, sadness, anger and tension! I always was going to the gym twice a week (on top of dance two times a week) with a really close friend of mine for a couple weeks, my friend also struggling with depression, and we both felt a lot better after our weekly workouts. Well since spring break as ended, we haven’t really been to the gym yet, and the snow makes me SUPER lazy! And I am taking a stress management class, and we did yoga for the past week and I absolutely love it. I’m trying to work it in daily in the morning or at night! Either going to yoga session every Tuesday and Thursday or doing it on my own in my room and with the lovely Youtube! But I will write about this more in another blog!

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Now.. More about Stevie!

I asked her to write her own story and share it to you, all the lovely people reading my blog now! So here’s her story!

 

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“Fitness has saved my life.
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. The doctor automatically prescribed me with medication and no suggested therapy or lifestyle change. I am by no means against medications but I found something else that worked a hell of a lot better. It seemed as I got older, my symptoms worsened. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized I needed a change.
Before I started seriously working on my fitness goals, I was living an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle. My college apartment had a refrigerator full of beer. My meals consisted of whatever was the only semi-decent food being offered at the student center. I did not care enough to teach myself how to cook or how to make healthy choices. I had no interest. Alll i wanted to do was drink. This led me to not only gain some extra weight, but also feel worse and insecure. After I graduated, I continued making these same unhealthy choices even at home. I entered a job that was extremely stressful to the point where my anxiety caused me to barely eat. I was so irritable, moody, sad, anxious, angry all the time. I finally decided I had enough and it was time to start taking care of myself. I also luckily found a new job (in the mental health field woo-hoo!) which was a major help.

After losing about 15 lbs from stress, I decided I wanted to gain some weight back, but in muscle. My older brother had always been a gym-goer so he was the first person I went to for advice. He explained to me how to split up my work outs into separate muscle groups and gave me the healthy meal plan that he was following. We headed to the gym on back and bicep day and that was the exact day my life started to change for the better!

I decided to go into the mental health field because I have a passion for helping people. What I came to realize, though, was that you cannot help other people when you do not know how to take care of yourself. I love the quote “You cannot pour from an empty glass.” It really makes so much sense.” -Stevie (Gains&Brains)

 

I really hope you get inspired by her, because I know I am! If you have any questions or need advice or tips, or if you want to share your story… please follow the link below and reach out to her. She’s really really nice and super supportive!

https://gainsandbrains.com/ 

Keep it dorky,

With lots of love, Jade ♥♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

Social Media and Mental Health

Something we all use and love now a days (well, its love and hate)… social media.

If you’re like me and always on it… it can be very bad… but it can be very good.

I saw this quote about social media and it’s becoming something I want to share to everyone, especially the newer generations..

social media

Side note: Isn’t this quote amazing, Dave Willis you rock for this quote… if he is the one who even made the quote but whoever made this quote. It’s amazing and I’m using it as a life quote. One day in my little, medium size or big office as a high school guidance counselor, I will have this quote (along with many others) on the wall. Maybe little info guides about social media and mental health!

Anyways, social media can be very helpful. It can connect us to a new type of “social support” but of course, it’s not a physical social support, which is proven better for our health. Physical social support but realistically, not everyone always has access to that. So social media can really help in that sense. Apps like Talklife or vent can be very helpful. Other mental health social media apps where they provide a community is super helpful to people. Myself included!

Use your social media to make an impact in the world. I know I have an Instagram, Twitter, tumblr and FB for Lots of Love by Jade but I don’t always use them because I’m too busy with college and other things… and honestly, on my own social media for my personal self. And that isn’t always good. I do still post encouraging pictures and quotes and tell others how beautiful they are and compliment people so I’m not completely a lost cause.

I did a presentation with 2 friends on social media and positive psychology and it was very helpful. I actually learn that breaking up bad social media habits just by complimenting and positively commenting  on other’s posts on FB or IG or tweeting on twitter. Breaking up that endless scrolling that we are all use to.

There is a correlation between depression and social media use, it’s not proved. Correlation does not mean causation (for those who don’t speak psychology, correlation means a relations between two variables). But we are seeing more cases of depression and psychologists do believe that social media does play a role in it (especially with self concept)

I also learned that Instagram is the most risk factor app when it comes to mental health (and youtube being the best) and there is studies done about it.

 

♦I’ll post the link here. Check it out and read it. I honestly do recommend it because it is super interesting.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/may/19/popular-social-media-sites-harm-young-peoples-mental-health 

 

But with Instagram, most people will start to compare their selves to other’s, I know I do it too. I’m just randomally going through IG and I see this gorgeous girl with a perfect body and yeah, I feel pretty down because I wish I was that pretty or my body was a little better than I am.  And that’s really unhealthy and really bad for you.

It decreases your self esteem and that’s not what we want. We want you to love you for all of you. Because you deserve that.

Something to keep in mind, they don’t always look like that and that picture was probably one of 30 that she chose from. And it probably took at least 20-30 minutes to capture the perfect picture.

“Never compare your offstage to everyone’s front stage.” 

I love that quote. So much. And I use it to remind myself that I’m beautiful too. And that may be hard for me to do some days.

People put their best photos, and their best moments of their life on social media, that’s the point of it to make people aware of what they do.

It’s a social comparison and a social competition, which you DON’T have to be a part of.  

But of course, like I said before… not all social media is bad. Social media has a good side too. I already touch on the social support, but studies shown that looking at your own Facebook profile can increase your self esteem.
And things like the “This Day” from Facebook where they show you what you posted on this day for however long you had Facebook can really make you happier because it shows you memories that you can hold on to and smile about.

And most importantly, make the best out of your social media.

Post more positivity, encouragement and inspiration on your social media. Compliment people on your feed, it might be weird at first but you might make a new friend. Show your amazing personality and heart through social media and we can make more positive than negatives when it comes to social media.

Let’s change that fact that social media can decrease your self esteem to increase it. And change starts with you. (And me)

Keep it positive, keep it inspiration, keep loving and as always, Keep it dorky.

With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

A College Student with Depression?

For those of you who visit my blog a lot (thank you for all your love and support, you amazing human, you!) know I have depression and I can get anxiety symptoms as well…

And for those of you who are new to my blog (welcome! I hope you love it and it helps you! Thank you for visiting me!), well… I’m Jade and I have depression.

If you notice that I said I have depression and not I’m a depressed person. We should really stop identifying ourselves as our mental illness, my child development teacher at Penn State (who is amazing, I love her!) even once said in class, “you don’t see people walking around saying, ‘I’m cancer or I’m high blood pressure.’ so why do we do it with mental illnesses?”

And it’s a good point, but I’m not here to lecture you about that (but if you want me to, I can. I can make a powerpoint and everything for you! 😛 ). So I don’t classify myself (or anyone with a mental illnesses) as my depression. But I’m open about it and I talk about it.

Now, according to statistics about every 1 in 4 people has a mental illness. And “18-24 year old age group shows the lowest rate of help-seeking.” (Active Minds)

Now if you find yourself being that 1 in 4 people that has a mental illness, don’t feel bad or lonely… because 1 in 4 people has a mental illness. I know it feels like at times that you’re the only one out there that has a mental illness, I promise you.. you aren’t alone. (And you are very loved and wanted. Help is a phone call or text away).

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College is a special time of life, one of my most favorite times that I’ve lived so far (it’s so much better than in middle and high school) but college can be SO SO SO stressful. Such as freshman year and/or transferring. More stressful if you go to a new college and know no one. Which I had to do twice. And it sucks…

Tip #1: Transiting to the college life and being in a new environment with people who you don’t know is hard. Plus college course loads can be difficult and joining clubs can add on to the stress as well. It’s like all of these stressful (but fun!) events happening all at once. But my advice as a junior student, take it easy your first year (at the college). You have 3 years to join clubs, take this time to meet people and focus on your school work!

Tip #2: Get ahead of homework, assignments and reading! It might be nerdy but I try to get ahead of reading, homework and assignments (but not too far but work on big projects a little bit, here and there) just so all the big assignments and exams doesn’t hit me all at once.

And plus, having depression can really kick my butt during the semester. Sometimes it is hard for me to get up in the morning and go to class. Sometimes the stress that I have gets way too overwhelming for me and I just shut down. It happens, and it’s normal.

Tip #3: Go to counseling on campus! Most colleges has free counseling services, use it! You pay for it! Even if it’s something small, use it! It’s better than not going to counseling at all.

Tip #3: Talk privately with your professor and be honest about your mental illness! I know this can be very uncomfortable but if it’s a class that counts attendance and you know that sometimes you cant get out of bed because of your mental illness or you are going through an episode. It’s nice for your professor to know about it, they might be more understanding then you think and give you further tips and advice.  But, not all professors are like that (because lack of information about mental illness and stigma), however, don’t judge all professors on one, two or a handful of them not understanding. I usually email my professors or tell them in person about it and tell them that the reason why I’m telling them is because, it could effect my academic life and I just wanted to give them a heads up. And most of my professors were super understanding about it.

Tip #4: Write positive messages and quotes on sticky notes and put it on your wall, mirror, notebook and/or text book! This is just a cute little way to remind yourself how amazing you are and motivate you to keep going. Because we all need motivation and encouragement!

Tip #5:  Write your academic goals for the semester/year. This can be helpful so you can visually see your goals written down, its even more helpful when you write them steps to get to that goal and check mark when you complete a step! It’s not always about the destination but sometimes the journey that takes you there. And it’s okay to celebrate small steps towards your goals (it’s called positive reinforcement!)

Tip #6: Make a mental health toolkit or box. I have a little crate under my bed in my dorm room that I keep my mental health toolkit. I have small little stuffed animals, color books, stress-balls, play-doh and magic sand, bubbles, bubble-wrap, books, and positive note cards in it. I also have snacks in the same crate (because I know sweets). Make your own kit and put whatever calms you down in it! Music, pillows, blankets, pictures of good memories, play-doh, stickers, whatever calms you down!

I really hope this helps college students (and everyone else in the world) with dealing with academics, stress, life and mental illnesses. Just remember, you are strong and you got this! I believe in you!

As always, Keep it dorky.

With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

The “Good” in “Goodbye

You know how people always say they’ll leave people behind in the previous year when a new year comes around? I know I hear it a lot on facebook, twitter and snapchat. I never was really like that, I never liked giving up on people and leaving them behind…

In fact, I was the one that was left behind… and it doesn’t feel great.

Well this year, I got really jealous about this one guy that I was unofficially ‘talking’ to and for some reason it pushed me over the edge. I’ve talked to him for about a month and I liked him a lot, I found myself falling for him over and over again… each and every day. Well when he decided to end our “whatever”-ship (those relationships that you just don’t even know what to name them), it hurt. When I had to take the stuff that I had at his apartment, driving away from his place… hurt.. I had a lot of memories of us and of his daughter… It really hurt and I miss it. I miss them.

But seeing him with another girl, not knowing if it was friends or more (though, it’s none of my business) made this really ugly side of me come out. And I don’t like it. Also, he doesn’t care as much as he should for me. And when I decided to cut him off in general, no friends… nothing. Just classmates…. well things turned for the south.

*Keep in mind, I’m an EXTREMELY caring and loving person and you can do the most terrible thing to me…. and I’d still probably be there… well, I’d still care some what about you.

But I just started to care less. I felt nothing (side effect with having depression and taking medication… numbness), like at all. So when he was telling me how I was boring (because I cared for him) and that he’ll never want me… I truly did not care. In fact, I was glad.

I don’t need someone like that in my life, someone who doesn’t care or fight for our friendship. I don’t need someone that will only want me for a short amount of time. I deserve more than that.

Never in my 20, almost 21 years of living have I truly thought that. Not until today and I’m proud of myself. I looked up an “over you” playlist on spotify and jammed out (even terribly sang along).

And One song that I annoying snapped was quoting the Queen herself, Beyoncé’s song… “Best Thing You Never Had.” Oh, I felt that song in my heart, soul and mind.

I’ll put some of the lyrics up,

“There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy, I must’ve been out of my mind
So, when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I—I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged the bullet
I’m so over you
So, baby, good lookin’ out

I wanted you bad
I’m so through with that
‘Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I’m gon’ always be the best thing you never had
Oh yeah, I bet it sucks to be you right now

So sad, you’re hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don’t deserve my tears
I guess that’s why they ain’t there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and, baby, yes, I saw the real you”

“Thank God I found the good in goodbye.”

-Beyoncé (Lyrics from AZ Lyrics)

And boom, a quote I will always use. “Thank God I found the good in goodbye.”

Just remember, that it hurts to let go but sometimes, letting go is better for you. I’m hurting still losing him, but I’m still here.. living. Sometimes people are toxic and they are negative and that’s not healthy for you. You need to understand when enough is enough for you.

Picture yourself as a flower (a very pretty flower, as I might add) and imagine being watered with negativity… well that’s not going to help you grow. And it’s not your fault, the environment you are trying to grow in isn’t healthy for you. So we need to put you into a better environment, where you are watered with positivity, encouragement and love.. and trust me darling, you will grow.

But in reality, People leave…

One of my (many) favorite quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky said;

“Things change, people leave, and life doesn’t stop for anyone.”

-Stephen Chbosky

Letting go sucks, but it happens. You have to find the good in goodbye, because there’s always a reason why someone comes and leave your life. (Either a blessing or a lesson)

Keep that in the back of your head and don’t forget, to keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Letters, Life, Mental Health Awareness, Resources, Tips/Advice

Suicide Prevention Month

I was watching the VMA’s last Sunday and I watched this artist that I’ve never heard of perform a song I didn’t know at all. I’ve heard it on the radio for like a little bit and changed the channel.

Well this artist’s performance made me cry throughout the whole thing. It was Logic’s message and performance of 1-800-273-8255 (Link is the performance).

I cried through the whole thing and about 10 minutes after and I remember texting my friend Ryan about it. He was of course concerned on why I was crying in the first place and after I explained it to him that when I was struggling with my worst parts of my depression, I never had that.

I cried because that is something I wish I had. I cried because I saw the fact that was on TV and a lot of people were watching this. I cried because this is the start of the awareness of mental health and suicide prevention. I cried because that performance and message probably helped or will help a lot of people.

I may be an extremely emotional person, in general, but this really touched me and my heart. I loved it and I’m so happy that Logic came out with that song.


Well, September is Suicide Prevention Month and World Suicide Prevention Day is coming on the 10th and I’m ready for it with my TWLOHA “Stay, Find What You Were Made For Gear” (link is provided if you want to check it out). I have little positive cards to leave around for the 10th and I’m excited.

But this is making me think of why I’m a huge advocate for this cause and for mental health and that’s because I live it everyday.

I thought back today and thought about the day I wanted to kill myself, the day I tried to attempt to.

Its a day that I try to forget as much as I can, but it’s hard to forget about it. I remember having no hope at all, I cried every night and every morning, I had cut marks all over my stomach. I thoughts that my family, my friends, my school , my community, everyone would be so much better off without me. Happier. And I was always about making others happy and this was something that could help others.

I struggled with that thoughts every day for a long.. long time, and that thoughts pops in my mind, every once in a while still. I still remember being so scared to do it, and all I could think about when I was getting ready to do it… was how would my parents actually react to it.

And I think that’s what actually broke me down more. It was like my mind was being tugged between life and death. I didn’t know what to believe, I really didn’t. And when I couldn’t do it, physically couldn’t do it. I left and I cried and cried. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go, how to get help, I didn’t know who to turn to, I didn’t know what to even say or think.

Looking back to that day, I was so thankful that I didn’t do it. I would never experience meeting amazing people who changed my life. People who gave me life, challenge me, made me feel wanted, people who were there. I would never build the strength that I have no, because without that strength, all the experiences I’ve been through.. I wouldn’t be here telling you.

If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here changing my life and others. 

If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here inspiring and helping others. 

If I killed myself years ago, I would never see the day that I believe in myself as I do now. 

If I killed myself years ago, I would never see that things truly do get better.

This is me telling you, that it does get better. I know it feel like it’ll never get better. I know the feeling, I can’t feel what you feel but I know that thought. But you need to keep fighting, you need to keep being strong because you can and you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, to live and you are strong enough. I know you are. I believe in you.

If you or someone you know is suicidal or having suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. There are so many resources to have:

Suicide HotLine: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Textline: Text HOME to 741741

Suicide Crisis Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

And if someone is in immediate danger, dial 911.

You matter. You are worthy. You are important. You are loved. Please Stay Alive.

With lots of love,

Jade♥

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

Why am I not her?

So a huge problem that I had in the past was comparing myself to other women. I did it all throughout high school and as much as I hate to admit it, I still do it today. Subconsciously.

I always catch myself thinking how much I wish I could look like this girl because she’s SO pretty and guys always go for her. I think that’s where my weak point hits, when I think that I’m not as attractive to guys as much as I truly am.

Guys are attracted to me, they just aren’t as open as it. They look when I walk by and I’m sure someone has feelings or thinks I’m the most beautiful women, he’s ever seen. But it’s just the fact that they aren’t chasing me or they aren’t verbal about it is what makes me think that maybe I’m not as pretty or as attractive.

Something that I use to let bother me was how many likes I got on social media…

Good ol’ social media. Creating insecurity problems since it was created.

I would always see other girls get a ton of more likes on their pictures or selfies then I ever would and I would be left thinking… “why?” and questioning myself and my appearance.

“Why is she better than me?”  “Am I not attractive enough?” “What does she have that I don’t have?” 

But I feel like that’s just social media and society trying to play with your emotions and your confidence and man, do they love playing that game.

Society will tell you to look a certain way, like a “super model” or a celebrity. You have to look this way or dress this way to be attractive…

Well, that’s not true. Whether you know it or not, someone is going to find you attractive. But not everyone will and that’s okay. If you have to have the mindset that every guy or every girl HAS to be physically attracted to you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. My tip for you is to be attracted to yourself, because that’s the only opinion that actually matters to you.* And then if someone doesn’t find you attractive, oh well, you’ll find someone who is worth your time.

*Now, there is a difference between loving yourself and finding yourself attractive and being cocky. Confidence is beauty and strong, Cockiness/ being conceited is not beauty or strong, it’s just rude and annoying.


Social media wasn’t created to make you feel pretty crappy about yourself but there is a correlation linking the amount of usage and self esteem issues…

 “The second study examined the impact of temporary exposure to social networking sites on state self-esteem. The results show that participants experienced lower state self-esteem and poorer self-evaluations after exposure to a person with a high activity social network. Participants also had poorer self-evaluations after exposure to an upward healthy comparison target  (someone who presented themselves as more healthy, young, and vibrant). Generally speaking, viewing social media profiles with positive content (upward comparison on health, fitness, active social network) resulted in poorer state self-esteem and more negative self-evaluations. ”

New York Behavioral Health

As a society, we are so use to basing our worth on numeral numbers, such as, weight, height, GPA and the amount of likes. But can we actually count our self-worth in numeral numbers?

No! No, we can’t, nor should we. How can you weigh the beauty of a heart or a soul? No, you can’t. So it’s time to stop trying to put our self worth in numbers or in things that can change. And start realizing the self worth in ourselves for who we are, not all on what we look like. And that will automatically boost your self confidence and help you find the beauty in yourself.

Also, as hard as it may be.. we (or you) need to stop comparing ourselves to other women. And honesty, it’s not just women who do it. Men does it too. They might not think they have enough muscles or that they aren’t that attractive because they don’t look the same and they don’t have abs, etc.

Well, this needs to stop. Personally, I’ve been trying to not compare myself to other people (especially, friends) who get more likes than me on facebook or IG. Likes on these posts (just like weight and height) are just a number, they only have a numerical number to it and that’s it. It doesn’t measure your self worth. 

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*Side note: Can we all just appreciate chibird for all the amazing and cute drawing they do. Like THANK YOU SO MUCH♥♥♥

I really hope this post helps you realize that you are beautiful for who you are, flaw and all. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spirituality.

As I was doing some research, I came across the National Association for Self Esteem (and as always, I got super excited) and if it’s an amazing tool to help boost (and learn) your self esteem! So please, check it out! Send it to a friend! Because it’s pretty awesome. Man, I LOVE mental health resources!

With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

 

*PS, I have an amazing friend who did a blog post about social media and our mental health. If you liked this post, you’ll love hers! Please, please check it out!

https://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/is-social-media-bad-for-our-mental-health/

 

Posted in Mental Health Awareness

Stomping Out Stigma

I was trying to find a way to start off this blog post and I thought what better way to start a blog post about stigma, then defining it.

Stigma (n.): 

a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation.


 

The word “stigma” is negative and it just matches with the definition, itself. So the real question is.. Why do we even have stigma?

What’s the point of a stigma, when it just brings more negativity to an already negative thing (mental illness, addiction, etc.)

I don’t get people sometimes, it’s just not fair to have this stigma around something you don’t know anything about or have never felt before. That’s called ignorance. And that’s not cool either.

So, I just want to stomp on some stigmas that I could find online from The Centre for Addiction and Mental health (CAMH)

 

“Just snap out of it.”

OOH, I hate this one SO SO much. This gets under my skin! One cannot snap out of a mental illness… Can anyone snap out of cancer or a broken leg? No. Well, just because a illness is inside your brain and you physically cannot see it, doesn’t mean it’s not serious or painful. Living with depression, I cannot just “snap out” of my episodes. No matter how much I want to, I can’t. I just came back from an amazing vacation with some friends and one night, I had an episode. And all my friends were worried about me and kept trying to talk to me about it and help me. But, as usual, I put a wall up. I couldn’t just snap out of that episode, I wanted to, I wanted to have a fun time with my friends. But I physically or mentally CAN NOT just snap out of it. I just had to let it pass.

If mental illnesses are easy enough to “snap away,” tons of people wouldn’t have anxiety, depression or be suicidal. Thousands wouldn’t be in mental torture or dead by suicide if mental illnesses were easy to “snap away.”

“Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself.”

OH, my. I literally have no words. It’s not feeling sorry for yourself when you are struggling with a mental illness. AGAIN, would you EVER say to someone who has cancer, a broken leg or any other life threatening illness (YES, mental illnesses can be life threatening.. ~ 121 people die from suicide a day)?

No, no you wouldn’t. If you did, that’s really a rude thing to say. So why has society deem it wrong to say that to someone with cancer, etc but not to someone who is suffering mentally?

Physical pain heals a lot less easier and faster than mental pain. Because mental pain can and will effect every part of your life and can change it for the worst. Think about it, what is one of the MOST important parts of your body? I believe its the brain. Yes, the heart is important but the Medulla… which is in your head, controlled by the brain, is the reason why you don’t need to think about breathing or beating your heart.

I feel that when these people are feeling that others who have a mental illness that they are “feeling sorry for themselves, ” are not educated enough about mental illnesses. Because I can not come to any time through my depression episodes or anxiety attacks when I ever “felt sorry for myself.” I’ve hated myself for a long time and that’s so FAR from feeling sorry for yourself. Huge difference, hating yourself is literal torture. Because nothing will ever transfer as being good enough in your head. It’s a negative perspective which comes with the illness (AND CAN NOT BE FIXED WITH JUST BEING POSITIVE. It takes a lot of time and effort to self love then people think and then steps need to be taken to be more positive. ONE CANNOT just be positive when they hate themselves or have depression)

So, no. I’m not feeling sorry about myself… I am living through my pain.

“Don’t Worry. It’s Just a Phase” – But for some, it can last a lifetime

This takes me back to the “Mom, it’s not a phase” meme about that part in your life when you have the punk/rock/”emo”/goth stage. Well, we all go through phases in life. Sometimes, you’ll hit a really rough spot in life… well some people can get out of it, some people cannot. It’s not a phase. It’s a mental illness. Mental Illnesses are super common, more common then what people know/believe/want to be. Sorry, to break it to you, but no matter if you like it or not, 1 in 4 people have depression. It’s not a phase, yes. Some people can have depression and a few months or years later, can not have it anymore. Still doesn’t mean it’s a “phase.” Phases are for clothes, music and attitudes, not for Mental Illnesses.

“Everyone Feels Like That At Your Age.”

I took a communications class last year and I wrote a speech about the difference feeling sad and depression. If I could just send a link to a video of me giving that speech, I feel like this would help with this stigma. But I can sum it up for you guys (It was a great speech).

Sadness is a natural feeling, it’s normal to get/be sad. Depression isn’t. Depression isn’t just sad, it’s so much more. How can I best describe Depression… mhmmm. Depression feels like my demons that haunt my mind and tell me all these negative stuff has taken over my body and mind. Instead of haunting it and just making me feel crummy, I feel miserable, every single moment of the day. I feel like I physically cannot leave my bed or move. Like my demons are controlling me and holding me down. It’s not even me anymore, it’s those demons. It can feel like a storm cloud of sadness, worthlessness, numbness, etc. all over my body. Depression is really hard for me to explain, I’ve tried my best but it’s not really accurate and it’s so much more worst then I can ever explain (and I’m honestly not trying to romanticize it, either).

But, if it was Bob (generic name) and myself standing next to each other. Bob and I are both 20 years old, sitting next to each other in class. Let’s say we both for F’s on a test (hey, it was a hard test). Bob is sad he got such a low score. But he’s going to work harder and go out with his friends and forget about it. He’ll think “Hey, one bad grade isn’t that bad. I’ll just study more and bring it up.”

While myself, I cry. I think that I’m stupid and I’m worthless. I shouldn’t even continue school to be a counselor because I will just fail and I won’t be able to help anyone. That will ruin my mood all day, I’ll be upset all day. Maybe, even just lay in bed for the rest of the day. I’ll keep thinking and repeating how stupid I am, how worthless I am.

You might think it’s an extreme, but it’s my reality. It’s what I honestly think when I get a bad grade. And I’m not the only one who feels that way or similar to what I tried to describe. Remember 1 in 4. So no, Not everyone feels the way I do.

Also it’s physically impossible to ever feel anything anyone else feels because your feelings are YOUR feelings and emotions. You can’t feel what anyone feels unless you are them or in their brain. So no, not everyone feels the way you or I do.

“Seriously, Can’t you cheer the Hell up?”

No. No. No. NO. I can’t stand this. I really can’t. Ugh, why do people say this stuff. You can’t just be positive when you have anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, etc. Especially, when you’re suicidal. I don’t know how many times, I’ve heard this myself, when I was at my worst part of my depression. And this annoys me so much. I can’t just cheer up or just be positive when I’m in an episode. How about I tell you to just walk it off when you break your leg? It’s the same thing. Nothing bothers me more than someone referring that a mental illness is nothing or just telling someone to be positive or just to cheer up. It just boils me up with anger, honestly. And I wish that they could feel what I do, but I can’t wish this on anyone else ever. You CAN’T just cheer up when you have a depression. If I could just cheer up when I’m now, I wouldn’t have clinical depression, now would I?

Seriously, can’t you just get educated on this stuff before you say anything ignorant?

“It’s All in your head”

If someone said this this me, I’d replied with a “haha, it is just in my head.. that’s why it’s called a MENTAL illness.”

The thing is that no two people can feel the exactly the same… or can they..? The point is that we don’t know if two people can totally feel the exact same. Your emotions are something that only you can perceive and I believe that we can never completely feel what another person feels. We can feel similar but we will never fully understand.

So yes, my mental illness or my problems are in my head… where else would they be? If it was anything physical… this wouldn’t even be said.

I just don’t understand how people cannot understand that mental and physical pain are the same thing, the only difference is one is external based and one is internal based.

“Quit being such a Downer”

I’m just going to quote “Is it any wonder why 2 out of 4 people living with mental illness suffer in silence?”

Because these are just absolutely terrible things to say to someone who is struggling, no matter what they are struggling with… especially a mental illness. Like this is mentally and emotionally kicking someone when they are already down. This isn’t cool.  This isn’t funny. This isn’t something to be ignored.

People really do suffer with mental illness and being alone and in silence is making it 2x worst. It makes them feel like they really don’t matter, that they aren’t worth it.

So please, please, please. Get educated on mental illnesses, learn about the symptoms, talk to them.. and REALLY talk to them. Don’t use such negative phrases or thoughts because it like putting more air in a balloon full of negativity. People who have a mental illness already have so much negativity on their own and they really don’t need it externally from someone else, especially someone they love, care for and trust.

If you or someone you know is needing tips and help with trying to communicate a loved one with a mental illness, I found a great resource (which is right below⇓) that gives DOs and DON’Ts tips!

Tips on Communicating with someone with a Mental Illness

DO
• Relax and stay calm.
• Start a conversation with the expectation that things will go smoothly.
• Minimize distractions; ask if you can turn off the TV for example.
• Listen and make eye-contact (unless this is threatening).
• Simplify. One topic at a time.
• Use “I-statements” not “you-statements”.
• Acknowledge what the other person says and how they feel, even if you don’t agree.
• Paraphrase; “If I understand you correctly, you and I…” “Is that what you’re saying?”
• Engage the person in the process by asking for opinions and suggestions.
• Watch out for contradictory messages between verbal and non-verbal messages.
• Look for common ground. Focus on observable facts; things you both saw or heard “You say you have trouble concentrating at school if you don’t take your medication?”
• Honestly sharing your own feelings can reduce defensiveness on both sides.
• Stick to present issues.
• Use humor in easy situations.
• A touch on the shoulder can be comforting to some, but anxiety-provoking to others. Just ask; for example, “Can I hug you?” or “Can I hold your hand?”.
• Acknowledge your own responsibility; don’t wait for the other person to do it first.

DON’T
• Don’t start a conversation expecting a confrontation. Approaching a person with your defenses up will likely make the communication difficult.
• Don’t take it personally; remember that your loved one’s illness can affect their behavior and communication skills.
• Don’t criticize, accuse or blame.
• Don’t assume. Clarify by asking questions.
• Don’t expect the other person to “just understand it” if you cannot explain it.
• Avoid bringing up the diagnosis.
• Don’t raise your voice or attempt to intimidate or “discipline” the person.
• Don’t use general and loaded words such as “always” or “never”. Use specific words instead.
• Don’t use sarcasm and avoid humor in difficult situations
• Avoid sounding patronizing or condescending. If someone treated YOU like a child, would you take them seriously?

– Friends for Mental Health

 

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Join me and be Pledge to be Stigma Free with NAMI at https://www.nami.org/stigmafree 

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With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

CTRL, ALT, DEL

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

When you go through life, there will be people who will treat you poor or will bring you so much negativity in your life, and you’ll have to realize that you truly don’t need someone who will do that to you. It’s emotionally unhealthy to be surrounded by a negative force constant because it will weaken your emotional being.

**FYI, when I say negative force, I do not mean someone with depression, anxiety, or any other person who has a mental illness. Emotions and mental illnesses are not contagious! Someone who will be a negative force is someone who constantly puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself, make you question your worth often, etc.

And sometimes, it’s so hard to walk away from those people, especially when you have an emotional bond or connection to them. But this needs to be done. And this needs to be done for yourself because you truly deserve SO MUCH more. No one deserves to be treated poorly physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

Have you ever heard of the term, Psychological Abuse?

To sum it up, Psychological Abuse is a type of abuse that is commonly overlook (because as always physical is more important than psychological). Psychological abuse is repeating mistreatment of someone in emotional and mental manner. This includes, making them question their self-worth, confidence and overall mental state.

Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.

-Healthy Place

I know it can be hard to have people who is a constant negative force or is psychologically abusive. I’ve been in a friendship who just dragged me down emotionally with their negative force. It wasn’t healthy at all. And I’ve also been in a couple psychologically abusive relationships before.

 It took me a while before I realize that I didnt need that in my life and I also realize a bit too late. It wasn’t until after I go out of that relationship/friendship to realize how toxic it was. 

And looking back, I wish that I never stayed as long as I did or that I didnt try so hard in the relationship. Or that I wasn’t involved in that relationship at all. 


After I got out of those toxic relationships  (whether it wwas by choice or not), my life got easier and starting to get a little happier.
You do not need people who are negative or abusive (even if on the line of being abusive) in your life. 
Last year, I had a friend who created constant drama with me and so many other people. She’d make her way into fights and problems and make it worst. She’d say it was my fault for all the drama, and it wasn’t. I would do absolutely nothing to her and she’d start drama with. By the end of the year, I just stop trying with her. And I couldn’t believe how much was lifted from my shoulders. It was literally like the sun came shining out. I was a lot more better and happier without that strong force of negativity. 

Once I had this relationship where, it started off really great but then it got so much worst. When we would break up, he’d tell me how worthless I was, how no one cared about me, how ugly I was, etc. It was terrible. I was already heartbroken and then on top of that.. I had all this really mean and abusive stuff said to me.

Then….

When he wanted me back. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, how much he “loves” me, how important I was. And boom, I just fell back in his arms. 

I was young and naïve, I didnt know that there was much better in the world. And I didn’t know at the time was real love was like. (I was a freshman in high school and this was my first relationship). 

**If someone truly loves you, they would NEVER say anything that will make you question yout self worth. They will never say or do anything that will purposely hurt you. And they definitely will not say something to you so negative and blame you for the reason why said it. 

If you have any questions if its psychological abuse, please feel free to contact me. Ask me any questions or tips, anything. 

(Find me on social media, or check out the “contact me” tab!) 

Keep it dorky. 

With Lots of Love,

Jade💕