Posted in Life, Resources

My Mix-Tape

I was talking with my friend Jesse about a project that he had to do with his art class, his project was to make a mix tape (sadly, not a real mix-tape… more like a playlist) of 5 songs that he loves and explain why he loves that. He also had to add other stuff that I really didn’t pay attention to because I’m not in the class.

It got me thinking, what would I put on my “mix-tape?” And also choosing 5 songs would be crazy difficult!

I ended up telling him what songs I would choose and it’s not a surprise that I would chose them. (I am adding the lyric video of the songs from youtube, if you haven’t listen to them, please feel free.. they are amazing. I love these songs)

Song # 1 : Superheroes by The Script  

Piece of Lyrics: 

“‘Cause he’s stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow
When you’ve been fighting for it all your life
You’ve been struggling to make things right
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
(Every day, every hour, turn that pain into power)” – The Script

Reasoning:

I love this song because I believe that we’re all superheroes (Im also into super heroes) and just like superheroes, they don’t just get up.. no matter how beat up they are. They always get back up and fight. We are strong like Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Iron Man, all of million of them. I personally love to cosplay as Wonder Woman, as well as I am a huge fan of hers because she’s strength. No matter how upset I get, I remember that I am Wonder Woman; I am strong, I will get through this, I will change this world, and I won’t give up. This song is just beautiful and I truly love this song.

 

Song 2: Stand By You by Rachel Platten 

Piece of Lyrics:

“Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you
Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you
Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you” -Rachel Platten

Reasoning:

So lately I’ve been watching Glee ( I know I’m waaay behind!) and to be honest, I wish I lived in the Glee World. I would love to sing and dance my way through my problems. Well if I could sing and dance any song to my friends, my family, to my readers/followers (which you guys are my friends too), this would be the song. It describes how I feel as someone who wants to be a counselor and wants to help others get through what they are thinking and feeling. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my friends, I’ll go through anything and everything along side with anyone who will reach out to me for help. “Love, you’re not alone, ‘ cause I’m gonna stand by you.”

Song 3: 1-800-273-8255 by Logic

Piece of Lyrics:

“I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine
Who can relate?
I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
It feel like my life ain’t mine

I want you to be alive
I want you to be alive
You don’t gotta die today
You don’t gotta die
I want you to be alive
I want you to be alive
You don’t gotta die” – Logic

Reasoning: 

I’m pretty sure this my life anthem, since I do have depression and I struggle with suicidal thoughts, I feel this song. And it’s like Logic (and others) are singing from my point of view and to me through the song. This song begins to explain what it’s like in the mind, of course not too much but the bare minimum. Plus the fact that the title of this song is the suicide hotline, means everything to me. It’s an amazing song and I appreciate Logic so much for making this issue publicly, it’s about time we put that suicide is a serious problem and that we need to help reduce this and help those who need it.

Song 4: Paralyzed by Against The Current 

Piece of Lyrics:

“It feels like I’m paralyzed, and I can’t
Escape from the prison I’m, living in
I’m naming the voices in my head
To keep on telling me to give in
But it making me stronger
Fight a little longer
I’m gonna bring me back to life
And I won’t be paralyzed” – Against the Current

Reasoning:

Against the Current has to be one of my favorite (if not my favorite) band ever. Their type of music is amazing and the singers are amazing. Soothing and I love listening to them when I’m winding down and relaxing. This song, kind of empowers me especially when she says she’ll keep fighting, bringing herself back to life and she won’t be paralyzed. It’s just a song that I can relate to when I’m feeling the strength I have when I get through a depression /suicide episode or anxiety attack, or when I wish I had that strength, I have this song to help me get that strength back. Yay for empowerment!

Song 5: Man in The Mirror by Michael Jackson

Piece of Lyrics:

“That’s Why I Want You To
Know
I’m Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change” – Michael Jackson

Reasoning:

Since I am a huge Michael Jackson fan, I’ve always loved this song because I believe that if you really want to change the world… you got to start with yourself. Life is always about changes and even though chances are really scary, they’re great sometimes. And since I’m going to change myself, I need to start by changing some things about myself; making myself better, happier, healthier. I can’t help anyone if I’m stuck in one of my depressive slumps. So, here’s to another self-discovery, self-improve and self-love journey and I’m going in with so much optimism. I know I’m going to come out better, for myself, for my friends& family and for all of you guys!♥

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Since we are speaking of music, I made a playlist on spotify called “Love Your Strength” and it’s a bunch of songs that’s empowering, self-loving, motivational, inspiring! A present from me to you. Music can really help a suffering soul, and I want to help in any and every way possible. The playlist is posted blow! I hope you enjoy!

Keep it dorky!

With lots of love, Jade♥

 

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Posted in Letters, Life, Mental Health Awareness, Resources, Tips/Advice

Suicide Prevention Month

I was watching the VMA’s last Sunday and I watched this artist that I’ve never heard of perform a song I didn’t know at all. I’ve heard it on the radio for like a little bit and changed the channel.

Well this artist’s performance made me cry throughout the whole thing. It was Logic’s message and performance of 1-800-273-8255 (Link is the performance).

I cried through the whole thing and about 10 minutes after and I remember texting my friend Ryan about it. He was of course concerned on why I was crying in the first place and after I explained it to him that when I was struggling with my worst parts of my depression, I never had that.

I cried because that is something I wish I had. I cried because I saw the fact that was on TV and a lot of people were watching this. I cried because this is the start of the awareness of mental health and suicide prevention. I cried because that performance and message probably helped or will help a lot of people.

I may be an extremely emotional person, in general, but this really touched me and my heart. I loved it and I’m so happy that Logic came out with that song.


Well, September is Suicide Prevention Month and World Suicide Prevention Day is coming on the 10th and I’m ready for it with my TWLOHA “Stay, Find What You Were Made For Gear” (link is provided if you want to check it out). I have little positive cards to leave around for the 10th and I’m excited.

But this is making me think of why I’m a huge advocate for this cause and for mental health and that’s because I live it everyday.

I thought back today and thought about the day I wanted to kill myself, the day I tried to attempt to.

Its a day that I try to forget as much as I can, but it’s hard to forget about it. I remember having no hope at all, I cried every night and every morning, I had cut marks all over my stomach. I thoughts that my family, my friends, my school , my community, everyone would be so much better off without me. Happier. And I was always about making others happy and this was something that could help others.

I struggled with that thoughts every day for a long.. long time, and that thoughts pops in my mind, every once in a while still. I still remember being so scared to do it, and all I could think about when I was getting ready to do it… was how would my parents actually react to it.

And I think that’s what actually broke me down more. It was like my mind was being tugged between life and death. I didn’t know what to believe, I really didn’t. And when I couldn’t do it, physically couldn’t do it. I left and I cried and cried. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go, how to get help, I didn’t know who to turn to, I didn’t know what to even say or think.

Looking back to that day, I was so thankful that I didn’t do it. I would never experience meeting amazing people who changed my life. People who gave me life, challenge me, made me feel wanted, people who were there. I would never build the strength that I have no, because without that strength, all the experiences I’ve been through.. I wouldn’t be here telling you.

If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here changing my life and others. 

If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here inspiring and helping others. 

If I killed myself years ago, I would never see the day that I believe in myself as I do now. 

If I killed myself years ago, I would never see that things truly do get better.

This is me telling you, that it does get better. I know it feel like it’ll never get better. I know the feeling, I can’t feel what you feel but I know that thought. But you need to keep fighting, you need to keep being strong because you can and you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, to live and you are strong enough. I know you are. I believe in you.

If you or someone you know is suicidal or having suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. There are so many resources to have:

Suicide HotLine: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Textline: Text HOME to 741741

Suicide Crisis Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

And if someone is in immediate danger, dial 911.

You matter. You are worthy. You are important. You are loved. Please Stay Alive.

With lots of love,

Jade♥

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

Why am I not her?

So a huge problem that I had in the past was comparing myself to other women. I did it all throughout high school and as much as I hate to admit it, I still do it today. Subconsciously.

I always catch myself thinking how much I wish I could look like this girl because she’s SO pretty and guys always go for her. I think that’s where my weak point hits, when I think that I’m not as attractive to guys as much as I truly am.

Guys are attracted to me, they just aren’t as open as it. They look when I walk by and I’m sure someone has feelings or thinks I’m the most beautiful women, he’s ever seen. But it’s just the fact that they aren’t chasing me or they aren’t verbal about it is what makes me think that maybe I’m not as pretty or as attractive.

Something that I use to let bother me was how many likes I got on social media…

Good ol’ social media. Creating insecurity problems since it was created.

I would always see other girls get a ton of more likes on their pictures or selfies then I ever would and I would be left thinking… “why?” and questioning myself and my appearance.

“Why is she better than me?”  “Am I not attractive enough?” “What does she have that I don’t have?” 

But I feel like that’s just social media and society trying to play with your emotions and your confidence and man, do they love playing that game.

Society will tell you to look a certain way, like a “super model” or a celebrity. You have to look this way or dress this way to be attractive…

Well, that’s not true. Whether you know it or not, someone is going to find you attractive. But not everyone will and that’s okay. If you have to have the mindset that every guy or every girl HAS to be physically attracted to you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. My tip for you is to be attracted to yourself, because that’s the only opinion that actually matters to you.* And then if someone doesn’t find you attractive, oh well, you’ll find someone who is worth your time.

*Now, there is a difference between loving yourself and finding yourself attractive and being cocky. Confidence is beauty and strong, Cockiness/ being conceited is not beauty or strong, it’s just rude and annoying.


Social media wasn’t created to make you feel pretty crappy about yourself but there is a correlation linking the amount of usage and self esteem issues…

 “The second study examined the impact of temporary exposure to social networking sites on state self-esteem. The results show that participants experienced lower state self-esteem and poorer self-evaluations after exposure to a person with a high activity social network. Participants also had poorer self-evaluations after exposure to an upward healthy comparison target  (someone who presented themselves as more healthy, young, and vibrant). Generally speaking, viewing social media profiles with positive content (upward comparison on health, fitness, active social network) resulted in poorer state self-esteem and more negative self-evaluations. ”

New York Behavioral Health

As a society, we are so use to basing our worth on numeral numbers, such as, weight, height, GPA and the amount of likes. But can we actually count our self-worth in numeral numbers?

No! No, we can’t, nor should we. How can you weigh the beauty of a heart or a soul? No, you can’t. So it’s time to stop trying to put our self worth in numbers or in things that can change. And start realizing the self worth in ourselves for who we are, not all on what we look like. And that will automatically boost your self confidence and help you find the beauty in yourself.

Also, as hard as it may be.. we (or you) need to stop comparing ourselves to other women. And honesty, it’s not just women who do it. Men does it too. They might not think they have enough muscles or that they aren’t that attractive because they don’t look the same and they don’t have abs, etc.

Well, this needs to stop. Personally, I’ve been trying to not compare myself to other people (especially, friends) who get more likes than me on facebook or IG. Likes on these posts (just like weight and height) are just a number, they only have a numerical number to it and that’s it. It doesn’t measure your self worth. 

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*Side note: Can we all just appreciate chibird for all the amazing and cute drawing they do. Like THANK YOU SO MUCH♥♥♥

I really hope this post helps you realize that you are beautiful for who you are, flaw and all. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spirituality.

As I was doing some research, I came across the National Association for Self Esteem (and as always, I got super excited) and if it’s an amazing tool to help boost (and learn) your self esteem! So please, check it out! Send it to a friend! Because it’s pretty awesome. Man, I LOVE mental health resources!

With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

 

*PS, I have an amazing friend who did a blog post about social media and our mental health. If you liked this post, you’ll love hers! Please, please check it out!

https://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/is-social-media-bad-for-our-mental-health/

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

CTRL, ALT, DEL

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

When you go through life, there will be people who will treat you poor or will bring you so much negativity in your life, and you’ll have to realize that you truly don’t need someone who will do that to you. It’s emotionally unhealthy to be surrounded by a negative force constant because it will weaken your emotional being.

**FYI, when I say negative force, I do not mean someone with depression, anxiety, or any other person who has a mental illness. Emotions and mental illnesses are not contagious! Someone who will be a negative force is someone who constantly puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself, make you question your worth often, etc.

And sometimes, it’s so hard to walk away from those people, especially when you have an emotional bond or connection to them. But this needs to be done. And this needs to be done for yourself because you truly deserve SO MUCH more. No one deserves to be treated poorly physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

Have you ever heard of the term, Psychological Abuse?

To sum it up, Psychological Abuse is a type of abuse that is commonly overlook (because as always physical is more important than psychological). Psychological abuse is repeating mistreatment of someone in emotional and mental manner. This includes, making them question their self-worth, confidence and overall mental state.

Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.

-Healthy Place

I know it can be hard to have people who is a constant negative force or is psychologically abusive. I’ve been in a friendship who just dragged me down emotionally with their negative force. It wasn’t healthy at all. And I’ve also been in a couple psychologically abusive relationships before.

 It took me a while before I realize that I didnt need that in my life and I also realize a bit too late. It wasn’t until after I go out of that relationship/friendship to realize how toxic it was. 

And looking back, I wish that I never stayed as long as I did or that I didnt try so hard in the relationship. Or that I wasn’t involved in that relationship at all. 


After I got out of those toxic relationships  (whether it wwas by choice or not), my life got easier and starting to get a little happier.
You do not need people who are negative or abusive (even if on the line of being abusive) in your life. 
Last year, I had a friend who created constant drama with me and so many other people. She’d make her way into fights and problems and make it worst. She’d say it was my fault for all the drama, and it wasn’t. I would do absolutely nothing to her and she’d start drama with. By the end of the year, I just stop trying with her. And I couldn’t believe how much was lifted from my shoulders. It was literally like the sun came shining out. I was a lot more better and happier without that strong force of negativity. 

Once I had this relationship where, it started off really great but then it got so much worst. When we would break up, he’d tell me how worthless I was, how no one cared about me, how ugly I was, etc. It was terrible. I was already heartbroken and then on top of that.. I had all this really mean and abusive stuff said to me.

Then….

When he wanted me back. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, how much he “loves” me, how important I was. And boom, I just fell back in his arms. 

I was young and naïve, I didnt know that there was much better in the world. And I didn’t know at the time was real love was like. (I was a freshman in high school and this was my first relationship). 

**If someone truly loves you, they would NEVER say anything that will make you question yout self worth. They will never say or do anything that will purposely hurt you. And they definitely will not say something to you so negative and blame you for the reason why said it. 

If you have any questions if its psychological abuse, please feel free to contact me. Ask me any questions or tips, anything. 

(Find me on social media, or check out the “contact me” tab!) 

Keep it dorky. 

With Lots of Love,

Jade💕

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Resources, Tips/Advice

The New Plan

What does Robin Williams, Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse and Chester Bennington have in common?

Sadly, they’re all celebrities that has committed suicide  (or has their death rule as a possible suicide).

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Suicide Stats

  • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of the death in the US
  • Men die by suicide 2.5x more often than woman
  • On average, there are 121 suicides per day

-American Foundation of Suicide Prevention

Now, we all know that mental health isn’t treated as important as physical health. And until these death and until movies/shows like Cyberbullying and 13 Reasons Why came out, Suicide has been a hush subject. Something that no one really wants to talk about.

Well, that really needs to stop. We need to talk about it! We need a new plan! We can reduce the daily and yearly rates of suicide by being eliminating the stigma of mental illness, suicide and going to therapy. Also getting educated in Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) or at least knowing how to approach someone who is or can be suicidal can seriously save lives. 

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Just being able to listen to someone when they are feeling this way, can change so much. And just because someone is suicidal or having suicidal thoughts doesn’t mean they just need to be throw into a mental hospital, they could just need someone to talk to, someone to care. And then if they need it, it’ll be easier to suggest getting further help.

So, you may be thinking.. “I am not a mental health specialist or trained in MHFA… what can I do?”

Well, I have a great answer for you;

1. Get educated so you know when someone may be struggling or so you can identify warning signs. (Lucky for you, I have some info in this post! YAY)

2. Be loving, caring and supportive. Don’t lecture them, that’s the last thing they need. Just let them know that they are loved for, cared about and their life matters. They really just need a better support system, and there are better ways of bringing up getting the proper help with them and that comes with trust and comfort.

3. DO NOT tell them to “stop being negative,” or “Just be more happy or more positive.” Or that whatever they are upset about isn’t worth it or there are people out there who has it worst. DO NOT EVER SAY THAT. It’s just insulting to say that to someone who is thinking about hurting or killing themselves and it makes them feel worst then they already do, makes them feel that they don’t even deserve someone that truly will talk to them about what’s wrong.

* And also it DOES NOT matter how much worst someone else has it, everything we feel, everything we see and hear is OUR own perspective and OUR OWN reality and that’s serious. You don’t know or can never know how badly someone is hurt because you ARE NOT them, you cannot feel their emotions or hear their thoughts. Everyone struggles, yes, some people may have it worst… but that doesn’t mean you can minimize someone else’s pain.

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I know most of the things I’ve been saying in this post is get educated!

⇒Let’s say it one more time for the people in the back… GET EDUCATED! ⇐

My main philosophy for mental health education is ECCS: Education, Communication, Caring and Supporting

4 main things you can do need to do in talking to someone with a mental illness or talking to someone who is or can be suicidal. ECCS is very important in a one to one bases for making sure that person who is or can be suicidal gets better.

Now if this person IS suicidal and is trying to attempt or has a plan, follow MHFA’s AGLEE (5 step plan)

AGLEE (5 Step Plan) 

A ssess for risk of suicide or harm
L isten nonjudgmentally
G ive reassurance and information
E ncourage appropriate professional help
E ncourage self-help and other support strategies

Mental Health First Aid 

⇑(More In dept detail link)⇑

Getting Educated on Warning Signs

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA)

Below are suicide prevention, warning signs and ways to approach situations that may lead to suicide and are provided by the National Alliance of Mental Illness and American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (I take no credit in any of the information below or any information in the blockquotes; links are all provided):

Know The Warning Signs

  • Threats or comments about killing themselves, also known as suicidal ideation, can begin with seemingly harmless thoughts like “I wish I wasn’t here” but can become more overt and dangerous
  • Increased alcohol and drug use
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Social withdrawal from friends, family and the community
  • Dramatic mood swings
  • Talking, writing or thinking about death
  • Impulsive or reckless behavior

-National Alliance of Mental Illness

 

Warning Signs

Talk

If a person talks about:

  • Being a burden to others
  • Feeling trapped
  • Experiencing unbearable pain
  • Having no reason to live
  • Killing themselves

Behavior

Specific things to look out for include:

  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online for materials or means
  • Acting recklessly
  • Withdrawing from activities
  • Isolating from family and friends
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
  • Giving away prized possessions
  • Aggression

Mood

People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods:

  • Depression
  • Loss of interest
  • Rage
  • Irritability
  • Humiliation
  • Anxiety

-American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

 

Approaching the Situation 

  • Remove means such as guns, knives or stockpiled pills
  • Calmly ask simple and direct questions, such as “Can I help you call your psychiatrist?” rather than, “Would you rather I call your psychiatrist, your therapist or your case manager?”
  • Talk openly and honestly about suicide. Don’t be afraid to ask questions such as “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” or “Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself?”
  • If there are multiple people, have one person speak at a time
  • Ask what you can do to help
  • Don’t argue, threaten or raise your voice
  • Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong
  • If your loved one asks for something, provide it, as long as the request is safe and reasonable
  • If you are nervous, try not to fidget or pace
  • If your loved one is having hallucinations or delusions, be gentle and sympathetic, but do not get in an argument about whether the delusions or hallucinations are real

If you are concerned about suicide and don’t know what to do, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

-National Alliance on Mental Illness

 

Together, we can all make a difference.. even if it’s difference in one life… it matters. Mental Health education needs to start and we need to seriously address suicide prevention plans!

Also as a reminder.. You matter so much. Please remember that. If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please please get help. I can’t stress how much you matter.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA)

You are amazing, you are loved, you are important,

With lots of love,

Jade♥

 

Posted in Life, Tips/Advice, Uncategorized

Smile On!

So as you all know, I made a Sarahah so that all my followers/friends/lovely souls can leave me a constructive message (or a positive message). And I wanted this so I can get anonymous feedback (good or bad) about my blog or how I am doing on my social media sites.  Well, I haven’t got that many. Today I got my Third One and this is what it said:

20181436_116290972341887_5130606569880289280_n(1)

 

And as you can see my reply to this sarahah message. And this sarahah post inspired me to write this post today, I have a shorten version on my Instagram Post 

 

 

 


I use to hate my smile so much because it wasn’t straight. But after a while, and after some people kept complimenting on my smile. I started to love it. And now I do, I think its beautiful. Because when I smile, it makes other smile. And I know now that my smile is genuine.
I turned my insecurity into a beloved feature of myself

I just love how people like to pick at other’s insecurities. I don’t get how people are okay with picking at other’s insecurities! But as they say, people put others down to pick them back up. And we need to change that! How about we empower and compliment people, because that truly lifts you up and it makes you feel amazing. I do this all the time and it makes me feel wonderful.

So if you’re someone who likes to pick on people’s insecurities to make yourself feel better, don’t.. because it’s only going to make you feel worse in the end. No one likes a bully and no one likes someone who is mean. Try asking for help or complimenting others. There’s nothing wrong with having insecurities about yourself, it’s normal (sadly) and it’s something only you can fix but others can guide you. But putting others down isn’t a way to fix it.

In that case scenario that someone puts you down and/or picks at your own insecurity.. don’t let them bring you down. The biggest bully is the one in your head. And once you stand up to that one, you’ll be on top of the world and things that others say to or about you / your insecurities won’t matter to you. And you’ll reply like I did, and you’ll start to love your insecurities like I do (with some of them). And not everyone always has it together, I have some insecurities I’m still fighting with and it takes time. So take as much as time as you can.

No one is worth making you cry over or making you feel insecure or to hate your body.
Love your insecurities, just like I love my smile.

 

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Challenge: I challenge you to compliment anyone and everyone you see today. It can be someone on facebook, IG, twitter, anything. Help someone love themselves, like those people helped me loved my smile.

Keep it smiling, keep loving yourself and as always, keep it dorky.
With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

When My Dress made Me Cry..

I ordered 3 things from @charlotterusse (aka one of my favorite stores), including a dress, a shirt and a sweater dress. And i was super excited.

20067187_191070414762895_7889025006221393920_nAs you all see, I’m a small and skinny person.
I got my package in the mail today and was super super excited. I ran upstairs and tried on the red dress first.
Well, the dress (size small) fits me perfectly on the bottom part (its a bodycon dress) and I already know I don’t have the best body. I don’t have any curves, or breasts or any butt at all.
And I know that, and I was kinda already getting use to it. And then this dress happened. And I honestly almost started crying because the chest (upper) part of the dress was so baggy.
And I thought to myself. I have no body at all. And how am I suppose to wear this and feel sexy?
I am a small and skinny person but sometimes I struggle with a positive body imagine. And I absolutely hate my body. (Will probably write a blog post about it later)


 

This was from my recent Instagram Post and here we are on the blog post about this.

I ate dinner after I posted this, leaving my phone to charge and I still felt pretty crappy. After dinner, I immediately went back upstairs and cried. I felt really insecure because the top of the dress was so loose and to me, it wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to get a dress that made me look my age (as a 20 year old in her junior year in college) and to look sexy for myself and also to impress my boyfriend. Even though I don’t really need to impress him, I still like to impress.

And as the night rolled around, I got amazing comments on my IG post. And they made me feel a lot better.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry this dress made you feel bad about your body. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I also appreciate that you bring up an issue often overlooked: self-identified “skinny” people often have poor body image and feel that they are not curvy/sexy/voluptuous/[insert adjective here] enough. Unfortunately, thinner women can be shamed for admitting their body image struggles. These women often hear, “As *if* you had anything to worry about… you’re skinny.” Sadly, poor self-esteem and body shaming is not reserved for any one body type. I am grateful that you brought up the subject and I hope there are some young ladies out there who feel less alone after seeing your post. Proud of you, sista. 💜 – Weld Like A Girl

And She has an amazing point. When you think of negative body image, it’s always about “obesity” or “overweight” women. Like my friend said, if I were to complain about my body, I’d get a “well at least your skinny.” or “What do you have complain about.” etc. etc.

Well, even if I have a skinny body, I can still have insecurities about my bodies. When I wore that dress, I felt pretty great until I realized how loose the top was. And it made me feel bad because obviously the dress is made for a women with more cleavage than I do. And I thought it would fit me, since it’s a size small. And it didn’t. And knowing how guys can be, I felt unattractive because the less amount of cleavage or butt that I may have.

The second comment comes from another mental health friend, Caitlin;

I appreciate your honesty. – Caitlin

Well, it was very hard to come out and say that so openly. But I was feel so bad about myself and I just let it out through social media. And I was a little afraid of the comments that I would get, if I got any at all. And I’m really happen that I have amazing followers/friends who love and support me like they do. So thank you for all the love, support and comments!

The next comment was from another one of my followers;

“Girl you are stunning! Just remember we are all different shapes and for me, as a curvy chick, j can’t wear certain types of clothes that slim women like you would look incredible – we aren’t all going to look incredible in the same things! BUT I do think the dress looks amazing!!!! I think you could get tho top altered to fit and it would be incredible! 💋” – The Art of Self Love

This comment really meant a lot, and I think that clothing shouldn’t be made or tailored to fit certain body types. All body types are beautiful and a women should be able to wear what they want to, what makes them feel comfortable, beautiful and sexy in.

Who cares what society says. Who cares if society says you can’t wear a crop top or whatever else because you’re not “skinny,” forget that!

Wear what makes YOU feel amazing in, because when you think you look amazing… you look absolutely stunning in, not just amazing! And that betters your self love and self confident.

So yeah, maybe I don’t have the body type that society desires… and yeah, maybe that top of the dress was too loose.

But I besides that, I look fantastic! And I’m going to make it work. Because I am beautiful, regardless if my body or looks aren’t up to society’s standards of beauty or sexy.

Forget Society! You are beautiful, You are amazing, you are sexy and you are worthy!

Keep it beautiful, keep being you and always remember…

Keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Tips/Advice

Knowing your awesomeness

I was talking with my boyfriend, like I normally do. But today, I was really just telling him how I feel about him. I was telling him stuff like, I see such potential in you and all the good you can do. No matter what he had to say to himself, I thought this way. And then later on in the conversation, I was saying how if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, then that’s fine. Because they are missing all of this awesomeness.

And that got me thinking…

I’ve never been so positive about myself before. But here I am, seeing my positives instead of my negatives for once.

And that’s what I want to chat about today. Knowing your awesomeness.

In today’s society, we are so focused on everything that is wrong with us and not focusing on everything that is great about us. I actually saw a post on Instagram by Depressiondetox about this topic.

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And she challenged her followers to comment with 10 things they love about themselves. I participated in that, and after the 7th one… I struggled honestly. But why is that, I can list 10 things I hate about myself but I can’t list 10 things easily?

That’s society and the media’s role in our lives. They expect us to look a certain way, act a certain way and to like certain things. It’s kind of like mind controlling us.

And it’s really unhealthy for our mental, emotional and even physical health. The way that things are with society and media really needs to change. Instead of telling youth what they should look like, why not teach youth to love their bodies regardless because every body is beautiful.

But this post isn’t about the media, my lovely friend Chloe just did a blog post about social media. So check that out – Is Social Media bad for our Mental Health? She has very great points in that.


 

What I really want to get out of this post is to teach you to learn to love yourself not hate it. Think about everything is good for you and focus on it. Because that is who you are. Not all the negative parts, like yes, that’s you, but that’s society’s stupid rules on how you should be or how you should look.

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For example, I use to hate my smile because it’s crooked. But I’ve grown to love it. My smile is pure, and once I started to become happier… My smile shows that and people can see it and it makes people happier. My smile is genuine and beautiful to me, but society and those people who are a slave to society’s rules to looks and actions, will just see it as an ugly and crooked smile.

 

 

So, embrace your awesomeness because you are awesome. You are amazing and you are beautiful just the way you are! And here’s a tip, as long as you think you are beautiful, no matter what anyone else says… you’ll be on top and you’ll think you’re beautiful even when someone says you’re not. (And when that happens, you just got to brush it off and don’t let it bother you. Negativity like that shouldn’t matter.)

So yeah, like I say to anyone who wants to leave my life. Go ahead, you’re missing out all this awesomeness!

And if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. If they are going to miss out on an amazing (And awesome!) person like you, it’s seriously their loss. I’ve realized that after a while. I use to be so afraid of people leaving my life. That’s all I was use to.. friends leaving because of my depression (this was early high school) or guys who I really like leaving me or our relationship. And after all this time, looking back. I wish I didn’t spend a lot of time and energy on getting them back or crying over them. Because, I’m doing really great right now and I didn’t need them in my life. I only need the people who want me, respect and love me for who I am.

Keep it positive, keep it awesome and like always.. keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade ♥

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

The Cost of holding your feelings in

I was having a heart to heart conversation with a good friend and he was saying how he had a death of a loved one recently and how he usually doesn’t talk to his feelings or things that are going on. And I went on this little rant on how it is important for people to talk about their feelings.

And I can’t stress how important it is to talk about your feeling and not hold it in.

When you hold it in, it’s extremely bad for your mental health, just like holding grudges. It just holds this negativity in you that you don’t even need. It creates this giant negativity cloud inside of you and it could just really mess with your mind and emotions.

If you’re only thinking about what happened in the past and holding it over you, you become more paranoid, anxious and guarded and that doesn’t help you or anyone around you.

I was like that most of my teenage years and after stepped out of myself and looking at what went wrong with a lot of my past was that I was too stuck in the past. I was so scared of the past repeating itself, I put up walls for everyone I met. And it drove them away, I made it extremely difficult for them to get close to me or to help me. And that wasn’t a great feeling for me, because it made me feel even more unlovable and that no one cared about me. And it hurt them because they didn’t feel good enough because they couldn’t close enough and help me like they wanted to.

I know the world isn’t always in a great place and there are bad people out there who just like to cause and inflict pain, but if you’re in the mindset that everyone is bad.. well, you’re really going to miss out on some great people. People who could actually be a great influence or could better your life. I always like to think that every person that comes in my life is put there for a positive reason. If even they hurt me, I try to understand and look at the bigger picture with it.

The cost of holding your feeling in, holding a grudge and even hating people, to me, I believe that it can really hurt your mental and emotional state. It can also in the end, reduce your life. when you mental and emotional state is at a constant worry and stressed out, it wrecks your immune system, which causes you to be more prone of getting sick. And you know sickness can kill you (very unlikely, but let’s be real.. being sick sucks and you get very miserable).

No one is worth having a stuffy nose, sore throat and having that cough that keep you up all night over. So try not to stress yourself out by holding a grudge or holding your feeling in or hating people. It’s seriously not worth it.

If someone hurts you, or makes you cry.. take your time dealing with it but don’t get revenge or get even. Don’t hold a grudge and when it’s time, forgive them. Because you need to let that grudge go. Do better in your life, find your own sunshine and happiness.

Holding your feelings in is just like waiting for a volcano to erupt. And that’s really not healthy. Like I told my friend who inspired this post, what you can do is, talk to a close friend (I’m even here. Just message me on social media or email me. I’ll be there), write it down. But don’t keep it bottled up. If you like art, paint or draw about it. Write a story out of it, dance about it. Just do something that doesn’t keep it bottled up.

I was never great at bottling my feelings up because I’m way too emotional. I’ll explode so easily, so I use to dance to release that negative energy and it worked. You have to find something that helps you release that negative energy, and it really does make you feel better.

I challenge you to talk to your feelings, next time you are down, anxious, mad, upset, etc. Talk to someone you trust, me, go on a mental health app or site (Apps  I can suggest is Talklife and Vent). And I also challenge you to write every day or every week. Write the date, what happened in your day, your overall feelings, the good that happen and the bad that happen and an inspiration quote that will motivate you for tomorrow.

As always, keep it open and keep it dorky.

With lots of love,

Jade ❤

Posted in Life, Resources

The Liebster Award

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I have recently been tagged by the kindest, hard-working and amazing mother, Courtney, a blogger at https://unfilteredmamasite.wordpress.com/, for the Liebster Award. This is a tag that was designed to help new bloggers become discovered and connect with the rest of the blogging community. The rules are as follows:

  • Recognize who tagged you and promote their blog on your blog
  • Answer all questions asked of you
  • Create 11 NEW questions
  • Tag 11 people with under 200 followers

Questions from Unfiltered Mama:

1. What type of blogger are you? How did you get to where you are right now?

I am a mental health, advice giver, give you my thoughts and knowledge kind of blogger. I just have something that I talk about with my friends, boyfriend, family, social media, anything that inspires me to think about motivation, encouragement and try and connect it to my recovery journey for my depression.

2. When do you find the time to blog?

Well, currently it’s summer. So I have nothing else really to do. I try to blog as much as I can right now or write ideas down or type them up in my phone. When I’m away from my computer or don’t have much time, I type what I can in my memo pad in my phone and touch back at it when I have the time. I also have my wordpress app on my phone and tablet.

3. Out of all your published posts, which one is your favorite? Why?

Ooh, that’s hard. I really like the one about body image and wearing your illness. Those two are my top favorites because I always hated the way I looked because I would compare myself to other girls. My body wasn’t as big in certain areas as those, my face doesn’t look like that. She’s so pretty, why can’t I have that body, etc. And it just brought me down. Until I had that conversation with that friend that I briefly talked about in my post, I was feeling a bit confident in myself so I tried understanding that I am me, I am pretty great and I am beautiful, just the way I am. Wear Your Illness, is a favorite of mine because I hated hiding my illness, hiding a part of who I am, so opening up a little about it made me feel stronger and like I owned my depression. And it gives room for people to understand that the stigma of these mental illnesses aren’t what they think they are. They can ask questions, which I want them to want. I really want to create shirts that say “I am _________” on the front and on the back it says “Ask me about it! 🙂 ” with a little hashtag on the bottom that says Wearyourillness. I think it’s a great way of owning your illness, overcoming it and spreading awareness of it!

4. What do you enjoy doing in your free time, besides blogging?

Well since it’s summer, I enjoy being with my friends, my boyfriend, sometimes working (I work in a great environment), dancing, listening and learning from Ted Talks and watching New Girl.

5. Is you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go?

Oh golly, I would go to Hawaii and Alaska on a cruise, and to London, England. Maybe visit Europe too (I’ve been recommended by some European friends that I have).

6. Are you a book reader? What book would you recommend everyone to read?

Unfortunately, I am not a book reader. But I do have some books that I read and loved, Zodiac by Romina Russell and Fallen by Lauren Kate. I’m stuck reading “It’s Kind of A Funny Story” by Ned Vizzini and “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeurst. All the books that I listed I would recommend.

7. Have you had any negative experiences with blogging? What did you do to overcome it? 

I’ve actually haven’t had any negative experiences with blogging. But If I did, I wouldn’t really let it bother me. I’ve had some things negative experience with peer counseling on some mental health apps, so I’d probably handle it the same way… maybe a little better. Just breath, stay calm and don’t let anyone’s negativity bother you or change you.

8. Where are you from? Favorite place to go in your town?

Well, I’m from a small town in Pennsylvania. I never really left my house to go anywhere in my town. My favorite places to go when I was a teen in high school was dance practice in a town 30 minutes away. Now as an emerging adult, I moved to Mechanicsburg, PA (which is 45 minutes from the town I was a teen) and I really love going to 2nd and Charles which is in Harrisburg and my old college which is about 10 minutes from my house.

9. What has surprised you the most about blogging and its large community?

What surprised met he most about blogging was how helpful it can be for someone who has a mental illness and is struggling. It’s another outlet and I encourage anyone really to blog or write to help release that stress. Something surprising about the large community is that everyone is so supporting, warm, welcoming, friendly and helpful. I’ve talked to so many other bloggers and I loved it.

10. What are your long-term goals for your blog?

My long-term goals for my blog would be to be shared by a lot of people and people coming back. The only reason why I made this blog was because I have this huge dream of reaching out to as many people as I can and helping as many people as I can. And right now, I felt like I couldn’t help as many people since I’m still in school to be a counselor and a mental health educator, so I thought to myself “how can I help others right now?”

I wanted to volunteer more, I try peer counseling on mental health sites and maybe a blog will help. So here I am! I really just want to spread love, encouragement, hope and motivation to people who think it doesn’t get better, they are alone and struggling. And if that’s 1 view or 10,000 views, so be it. I don’t want to be famous, I just want to help.

11. Name something you can’t live without and explain why.

One thing I can’t live without, gosh. Just one? I really hate these questions because I’m so indecisive. I can’t live without my social support. Which includes, my friends, family, s.o., God, community. (I think I finally beat the system with this answer, it’s one answer but many parts in that answer, whoop whoop!!). When I was going through my hardest part of depression, I didn’t have much of a support system, so I struggled alone. I felt like no one cared and no one would be bothered if I was here or not. And it’s one of the worst feelings ever, I never want anyone to feel that way, ever. No one deserves that. So I have amazing friends, family and an amazing boyfriend that support me,  and it feels really amazing to finally feel connected to people and loved.

 


To continue the chain, I nominate the following bloggers for The Liebster Award:

  1. Andolina – http://lessonsfromastudentmom.com/
  2. Nicole – http://therusticbelle.com/
  3. Rene – http://blackgirllostkeys.com/
  4. Noelle – http://www.ndswithdegrees.com/
  5. Brianna – http://briannafae.com/
  6. Caitlin – http://caitlinwren.blogspot.com/
  7. Kristen – https://prokindproject.wordpress.com/
  8. Michelle – http://micheledaniellek.com/
  9. Chloe – http://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/
  10. Lena – http://lenafordonline.com/
  11. Chloe – http://toomuchtooyoungblog.wordpress.com/

My questions that I ask to be answered are:

  1. What is your story?
  2. How is your recovery/self-love journey going?
  3. What’s one thing (or person) that always encourages/ motivations you?
  4. What’s 5 things that make you happy?
  5. What inspired you to blog/write?
  6. What are your future plans in life? (from career, to decisions to the blog)
  7. What’s your favorite mental health organization and why?
  8. What do you hope your blog will accomplish with the community or with others?
  9. What’s your opinion/thoughts/feedback on 13 reason why? (If you watched it)
  10. What do you do when you are going through an episode, crisis, attack, etc?
  11. What is some advice you would give to someone who might be struggling with a mental illness?

I want to thank Unfiltered Mama again for the nomination, it was a lot of fun, answering and thinking of the questions! I hope everyone tagged has fun answering mine! 🙂

Keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade ❤