Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

Why am I not her?

So a huge problem that I had in the past was comparing myself to other women. I did it all throughout high school and as much as I hate to admit it, I still do it today. Subconsciously.

I always catch myself thinking how much I wish I could look like this girl because she’s SO pretty and guys always go for her. I think that’s where my weak point hits, when I think that I’m not as attractive to guys as much as I truly am.

Guys are attracted to me, they just aren’t as open as it. They look when I walk by and I’m sure someone has feelings or thinks I’m the most beautiful women, he’s ever seen. But it’s just the fact that they aren’t chasing me or they aren’t verbal about it is what makes me think that maybe I’m not as pretty or as attractive.

Something that I use to let bother me was how many likes I got on social media…

Good ol’ social media. Creating insecurity problems since it was created.

I would always see other girls get a ton of more likes on their pictures or selfies then I ever would and I would be left thinking… “why?” and questioning myself and my appearance.

“Why is she better than me?”  “Am I not attractive enough?” “What does she have that I don’t have?” 

But I feel like that’s just social media and society trying to play with your emotions and your confidence and man, do they love playing that game.

Society will tell you to look a certain way, like a “super model” or a celebrity. You have to look this way or dress this way to be attractive…

Well, that’s not true. Whether you know it or not, someone is going to find you attractive. But not everyone will and that’s okay. If you have to have the mindset that every guy or every girl HAS to be physically attracted to you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. My tip for you is to be attracted to yourself, because that’s the only opinion that actually matters to you.* And then if someone doesn’t find you attractive, oh well, you’ll find someone who is worth your time.

*Now, there is a difference between loving yourself and finding yourself attractive and being cocky. Confidence is beauty and strong, Cockiness/ being conceited is not beauty or strong, it’s just rude and annoying.


Social media wasn’t created to make you feel pretty crappy about yourself but there is a correlation linking the amount of usage and self esteem issues…

 “The second study examined the impact of temporary exposure to social networking sites on state self-esteem. The results show that participants experienced lower state self-esteem and poorer self-evaluations after exposure to a person with a high activity social network. Participants also had poorer self-evaluations after exposure to an upward healthy comparison target  (someone who presented themselves as more healthy, young, and vibrant). Generally speaking, viewing social media profiles with positive content (upward comparison on health, fitness, active social network) resulted in poorer state self-esteem and more negative self-evaluations. ”

New York Behavioral Health

As a society, we are so use to basing our worth on numeral numbers, such as, weight, height, GPA and the amount of likes. But can we actually count our self-worth in numeral numbers?

No! No, we can’t, nor should we. How can you weigh the beauty of a heart or a soul? No, you can’t. So it’s time to stop trying to put our self worth in numbers or in things that can change. And start realizing the self worth in ourselves for who we are, not all on what we look like. And that will automatically boost your self confidence and help you find the beauty in yourself.

Also, as hard as it may be.. we (or you) need to stop comparing ourselves to other women. And honesty, it’s not just women who do it. Men does it too. They might not think they have enough muscles or that they aren’t that attractive because they don’t look the same and they don’t have abs, etc.

Well, this needs to stop. Personally, I’ve been trying to not compare myself to other people (especially, friends) who get more likes than me on facebook or IG. Likes on these posts (just like weight and height) are just a number, they only have a numerical number to it and that’s it. It doesn’t measure your self worth. 

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*Side note: Can we all just appreciate chibird for all the amazing and cute drawing they do. Like THANK YOU SO MUCH♥♥♥

I really hope this post helps you realize that you are beautiful for who you are, flaw and all. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spirituality.

As I was doing some research, I came across the National Association for Self Esteem (and as always, I got super excited) and if it’s an amazing tool to help boost (and learn) your self esteem! So please, check it out! Send it to a friend! Because it’s pretty awesome. Man, I LOVE mental health resources!

With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

 

*PS, I have an amazing friend who did a blog post about social media and our mental health. If you liked this post, you’ll love hers! Please, please check it out!

https://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/is-social-media-bad-for-our-mental-health/

 

Posted in Mental Health Awareness

Stomping Out Stigma

I was trying to find a way to start off this blog post and I thought what better way to start a blog post about stigma, then defining it.

Stigma (n.): 

a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation.


 

The word “stigma” is negative and it just matches with the definition, itself. So the real question is.. Why do we even have stigma?

What’s the point of a stigma, when it just brings more negativity to an already negative thing (mental illness, addiction, etc.)

I don’t get people sometimes, it’s just not fair to have this stigma around something you don’t know anything about or have never felt before. That’s called ignorance. And that’s not cool either.

So, I just want to stomp on some stigmas that I could find online from The Centre for Addiction and Mental health (CAMH)

 

“Just snap out of it.”

OOH, I hate this one SO SO much. This gets under my skin! One cannot snap out of a mental illness… Can anyone snap out of cancer or a broken leg? No. Well, just because a illness is inside your brain and you physically cannot see it, doesn’t mean it’s not serious or painful. Living with depression, I cannot just “snap out” of my episodes. No matter how much I want to, I can’t. I just came back from an amazing vacation with some friends and one night, I had an episode. And all my friends were worried about me and kept trying to talk to me about it and help me. But, as usual, I put a wall up. I couldn’t just snap out of that episode, I wanted to, I wanted to have a fun time with my friends. But I physically or mentally CAN NOT just snap out of it. I just had to let it pass.

If mental illnesses are easy enough to “snap away,” tons of people wouldn’t have anxiety, depression or be suicidal. Thousands wouldn’t be in mental torture or dead by suicide if mental illnesses were easy to “snap away.”

“Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself.”

OH, my. I literally have no words. It’s not feeling sorry for yourself when you are struggling with a mental illness. AGAIN, would you EVER say to someone who has cancer, a broken leg or any other life threatening illness (YES, mental illnesses can be life threatening.. ~ 121 people die from suicide a day)?

No, no you wouldn’t. If you did, that’s really a rude thing to say. So why has society deem it wrong to say that to someone with cancer, etc but not to someone who is suffering mentally?

Physical pain heals a lot less easier and faster than mental pain. Because mental pain can and will effect every part of your life and can change it for the worst. Think about it, what is one of the MOST important parts of your body? I believe its the brain. Yes, the heart is important but the Medulla… which is in your head, controlled by the brain, is the reason why you don’t need to think about breathing or beating your heart.

I feel that when these people are feeling that others who have a mental illness that they are “feeling sorry for themselves, ” are not educated enough about mental illnesses. Because I can not come to any time through my depression episodes or anxiety attacks when I ever “felt sorry for myself.” I’ve hated myself for a long time and that’s so FAR from feeling sorry for yourself. Huge difference, hating yourself is literal torture. Because nothing will ever transfer as being good enough in your head. It’s a negative perspective which comes with the illness (AND CAN NOT BE FIXED WITH JUST BEING POSITIVE. It takes a lot of time and effort to self love then people think and then steps need to be taken to be more positive. ONE CANNOT just be positive when they hate themselves or have depression)

So, no. I’m not feeling sorry about myself… I am living through my pain.

“Don’t Worry. It’s Just a Phase” – But for some, it can last a lifetime

This takes me back to the “Mom, it’s not a phase” meme about that part in your life when you have the punk/rock/”emo”/goth stage. Well, we all go through phases in life. Sometimes, you’ll hit a really rough spot in life… well some people can get out of it, some people cannot. It’s not a phase. It’s a mental illness. Mental Illnesses are super common, more common then what people know/believe/want to be. Sorry, to break it to you, but no matter if you like it or not, 1 in 4 people have depression. It’s not a phase, yes. Some people can have depression and a few months or years later, can not have it anymore. Still doesn’t mean it’s a “phase.” Phases are for clothes, music and attitudes, not for Mental Illnesses.

“Everyone Feels Like That At Your Age.”

I took a communications class last year and I wrote a speech about the difference feeling sad and depression. If I could just send a link to a video of me giving that speech, I feel like this would help with this stigma. But I can sum it up for you guys (It was a great speech).

Sadness is a natural feeling, it’s normal to get/be sad. Depression isn’t. Depression isn’t just sad, it’s so much more. How can I best describe Depression… mhmmm. Depression feels like my demons that haunt my mind and tell me all these negative stuff has taken over my body and mind. Instead of haunting it and just making me feel crummy, I feel miserable, every single moment of the day. I feel like I physically cannot leave my bed or move. Like my demons are controlling me and holding me down. It’s not even me anymore, it’s those demons. It can feel like a storm cloud of sadness, worthlessness, numbness, etc. all over my body. Depression is really hard for me to explain, I’ve tried my best but it’s not really accurate and it’s so much more worst then I can ever explain (and I’m honestly not trying to romanticize it, either).

But, if it was Bob (generic name) and myself standing next to each other. Bob and I are both 20 years old, sitting next to each other in class. Let’s say we both for F’s on a test (hey, it was a hard test). Bob is sad he got such a low score. But he’s going to work harder and go out with his friends and forget about it. He’ll think “Hey, one bad grade isn’t that bad. I’ll just study more and bring it up.”

While myself, I cry. I think that I’m stupid and I’m worthless. I shouldn’t even continue school to be a counselor because I will just fail and I won’t be able to help anyone. That will ruin my mood all day, I’ll be upset all day. Maybe, even just lay in bed for the rest of the day. I’ll keep thinking and repeating how stupid I am, how worthless I am.

You might think it’s an extreme, but it’s my reality. It’s what I honestly think when I get a bad grade. And I’m not the only one who feels that way or similar to what I tried to describe. Remember 1 in 4. So no, Not everyone feels the way I do.

Also it’s physically impossible to ever feel anything anyone else feels because your feelings are YOUR feelings and emotions. You can’t feel what anyone feels unless you are them or in their brain. So no, not everyone feels the way you or I do.

“Seriously, Can’t you cheer the Hell up?”

No. No. No. NO. I can’t stand this. I really can’t. Ugh, why do people say this stuff. You can’t just be positive when you have anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, etc. Especially, when you’re suicidal. I don’t know how many times, I’ve heard this myself, when I was at my worst part of my depression. And this annoys me so much. I can’t just cheer up or just be positive when I’m in an episode. How about I tell you to just walk it off when you break your leg? It’s the same thing. Nothing bothers me more than someone referring that a mental illness is nothing or just telling someone to be positive or just to cheer up. It just boils me up with anger, honestly. And I wish that they could feel what I do, but I can’t wish this on anyone else ever. You CAN’T just cheer up when you have a depression. If I could just cheer up when I’m now, I wouldn’t have clinical depression, now would I?

Seriously, can’t you just get educated on this stuff before you say anything ignorant?

“It’s All in your head”

If someone said this this me, I’d replied with a “haha, it is just in my head.. that’s why it’s called a MENTAL illness.”

The thing is that no two people can feel the exactly the same… or can they..? The point is that we don’t know if two people can totally feel the exact same. Your emotions are something that only you can perceive and I believe that we can never completely feel what another person feels. We can feel similar but we will never fully understand.

So yes, my mental illness or my problems are in my head… where else would they be? If it was anything physical… this wouldn’t even be said.

I just don’t understand how people cannot understand that mental and physical pain are the same thing, the only difference is one is external based and one is internal based.

“Quit being such a Downer”

I’m just going to quote “Is it any wonder why 2 out of 4 people living with mental illness suffer in silence?”

Because these are just absolutely terrible things to say to someone who is struggling, no matter what they are struggling with… especially a mental illness. Like this is mentally and emotionally kicking someone when they are already down. This isn’t cool.  This isn’t funny. This isn’t something to be ignored.

People really do suffer with mental illness and being alone and in silence is making it 2x worst. It makes them feel like they really don’t matter, that they aren’t worth it.

So please, please, please. Get educated on mental illnesses, learn about the symptoms, talk to them.. and REALLY talk to them. Don’t use such negative phrases or thoughts because it like putting more air in a balloon full of negativity. People who have a mental illness already have so much negativity on their own and they really don’t need it externally from someone else, especially someone they love, care for and trust.

If you or someone you know is needing tips and help with trying to communicate a loved one with a mental illness, I found a great resource (which is right below⇓) that gives DOs and DON’Ts tips!

Tips on Communicating with someone with a Mental Illness

DO
• Relax and stay calm.
• Start a conversation with the expectation that things will go smoothly.
• Minimize distractions; ask if you can turn off the TV for example.
• Listen and make eye-contact (unless this is threatening).
• Simplify. One topic at a time.
• Use “I-statements” not “you-statements”.
• Acknowledge what the other person says and how they feel, even if you don’t agree.
• Paraphrase; “If I understand you correctly, you and I…” “Is that what you’re saying?”
• Engage the person in the process by asking for opinions and suggestions.
• Watch out for contradictory messages between verbal and non-verbal messages.
• Look for common ground. Focus on observable facts; things you both saw or heard “You say you have trouble concentrating at school if you don’t take your medication?”
• Honestly sharing your own feelings can reduce defensiveness on both sides.
• Stick to present issues.
• Use humor in easy situations.
• A touch on the shoulder can be comforting to some, but anxiety-provoking to others. Just ask; for example, “Can I hug you?” or “Can I hold your hand?”.
• Acknowledge your own responsibility; don’t wait for the other person to do it first.

DON’T
• Don’t start a conversation expecting a confrontation. Approaching a person with your defenses up will likely make the communication difficult.
• Don’t take it personally; remember that your loved one’s illness can affect their behavior and communication skills.
• Don’t criticize, accuse or blame.
• Don’t assume. Clarify by asking questions.
• Don’t expect the other person to “just understand it” if you cannot explain it.
• Avoid bringing up the diagnosis.
• Don’t raise your voice or attempt to intimidate or “discipline” the person.
• Don’t use general and loaded words such as “always” or “never”. Use specific words instead.
• Don’t use sarcasm and avoid humor in difficult situations
• Avoid sounding patronizing or condescending. If someone treated YOU like a child, would you take them seriously?

– Friends for Mental Health

 

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Join me and be Pledge to be Stigma Free with NAMI at https://www.nami.org/stigmafree 

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With Lots of Love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

CTRL, ALT, DEL

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

When you go through life, there will be people who will treat you poor or will bring you so much negativity in your life, and you’ll have to realize that you truly don’t need someone who will do that to you. It’s emotionally unhealthy to be surrounded by a negative force constant because it will weaken your emotional being.

**FYI, when I say negative force, I do not mean someone with depression, anxiety, or any other person who has a mental illness. Emotions and mental illnesses are not contagious! Someone who will be a negative force is someone who constantly puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself, make you question your worth often, etc.

And sometimes, it’s so hard to walk away from those people, especially when you have an emotional bond or connection to them. But this needs to be done. And this needs to be done for yourself because you truly deserve SO MUCH more. No one deserves to be treated poorly physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

Have you ever heard of the term, Psychological Abuse?

To sum it up, Psychological Abuse is a type of abuse that is commonly overlook (because as always physical is more important than psychological). Psychological abuse is repeating mistreatment of someone in emotional and mental manner. This includes, making them question their self-worth, confidence and overall mental state.

Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.

-Healthy Place

I know it can be hard to have people who is a constant negative force or is psychologically abusive. I’ve been in a friendship who just dragged me down emotionally with their negative force. It wasn’t healthy at all. And I’ve also been in a couple psychologically abusive relationships before.

 It took me a while before I realize that I didnt need that in my life and I also realize a bit too late. It wasn’t until after I go out of that relationship/friendship to realize how toxic it was. 

And looking back, I wish that I never stayed as long as I did or that I didnt try so hard in the relationship. Or that I wasn’t involved in that relationship at all. 


After I got out of those toxic relationships  (whether it wwas by choice or not), my life got easier and starting to get a little happier.
You do not need people who are negative or abusive (even if on the line of being abusive) in your life. 
Last year, I had a friend who created constant drama with me and so many other people. She’d make her way into fights and problems and make it worst. She’d say it was my fault for all the drama, and it wasn’t. I would do absolutely nothing to her and she’d start drama with. By the end of the year, I just stop trying with her. And I couldn’t believe how much was lifted from my shoulders. It was literally like the sun came shining out. I was a lot more better and happier without that strong force of negativity. 

Once I had this relationship where, it started off really great but then it got so much worst. When we would break up, he’d tell me how worthless I was, how no one cared about me, how ugly I was, etc. It was terrible. I was already heartbroken and then on top of that.. I had all this really mean and abusive stuff said to me.

Then….

When he wanted me back. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, how much he “loves” me, how important I was. And boom, I just fell back in his arms. 

I was young and naïve, I didnt know that there was much better in the world. And I didn’t know at the time was real love was like. (I was a freshman in high school and this was my first relationship). 

**If someone truly loves you, they would NEVER say anything that will make you question yout self worth. They will never say or do anything that will purposely hurt you. And they definitely will not say something to you so negative and blame you for the reason why said it. 

If you have any questions if its psychological abuse, please feel free to contact me. Ask me any questions or tips, anything. 

(Find me on social media, or check out the “contact me” tab!) 

Keep it dorky. 

With Lots of Love,

Jade💕

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Resources, Tips/Advice

The New Plan

What does Robin Williams, Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse and Chester Bennington have in common?

Sadly, they’re all celebrities that has committed suicide  (or has their death rule as a possible suicide).

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Suicide Stats

  • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of the death in the US
  • Men die by suicide 2.5x more often than woman
  • On average, there are 121 suicides per day

-American Foundation of Suicide Prevention

Now, we all know that mental health isn’t treated as important as physical health. And until these death and until movies/shows like Cyberbullying and 13 Reasons Why came out, Suicide has been a hush subject. Something that no one really wants to talk about.

Well, that really needs to stop. We need to talk about it! We need a new plan! We can reduce the daily and yearly rates of suicide by being eliminating the stigma of mental illness, suicide and going to therapy. Also getting educated in Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) or at least knowing how to approach someone who is or can be suicidal can seriously save lives. 

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Just being able to listen to someone when they are feeling this way, can change so much. And just because someone is suicidal or having suicidal thoughts doesn’t mean they just need to be throw into a mental hospital, they could just need someone to talk to, someone to care. And then if they need it, it’ll be easier to suggest getting further help.

So, you may be thinking.. “I am not a mental health specialist or trained in MHFA… what can I do?”

Well, I have a great answer for you;

1. Get educated so you know when someone may be struggling or so you can identify warning signs. (Lucky for you, I have some info in this post! YAY)

2. Be loving, caring and supportive. Don’t lecture them, that’s the last thing they need. Just let them know that they are loved for, cared about and their life matters. They really just need a better support system, and there are better ways of bringing up getting the proper help with them and that comes with trust and comfort.

3. DO NOT tell them to “stop being negative,” or “Just be more happy or more positive.” Or that whatever they are upset about isn’t worth it or there are people out there who has it worst. DO NOT EVER SAY THAT. It’s just insulting to say that to someone who is thinking about hurting or killing themselves and it makes them feel worst then they already do, makes them feel that they don’t even deserve someone that truly will talk to them about what’s wrong.

* And also it DOES NOT matter how much worst someone else has it, everything we feel, everything we see and hear is OUR own perspective and OUR OWN reality and that’s serious. You don’t know or can never know how badly someone is hurt because you ARE NOT them, you cannot feel their emotions or hear their thoughts. Everyone struggles, yes, some people may have it worst… but that doesn’t mean you can minimize someone else’s pain.

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I know most of the things I’ve been saying in this post is get educated!

⇒Let’s say it one more time for the people in the back… GET EDUCATED! ⇐

My main philosophy for mental health education is ECCS: Education, Communication, Caring and Supporting

4 main things you can do need to do in talking to someone with a mental illness or talking to someone who is or can be suicidal. ECCS is very important in a one to one bases for making sure that person who is or can be suicidal gets better.

Now if this person IS suicidal and is trying to attempt or has a plan, follow MHFA’s AGLEE (5 step plan)

AGLEE (5 Step Plan) 

A ssess for risk of suicide or harm
L isten nonjudgmentally
G ive reassurance and information
E ncourage appropriate professional help
E ncourage self-help and other support strategies

Mental Health First Aid 

⇑(More In dept detail link)⇑

Getting Educated on Warning Signs

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA)

Below are suicide prevention, warning signs and ways to approach situations that may lead to suicide and are provided by the National Alliance of Mental Illness and American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (I take no credit in any of the information below or any information in the blockquotes; links are all provided):

Know The Warning Signs

  • Threats or comments about killing themselves, also known as suicidal ideation, can begin with seemingly harmless thoughts like “I wish I wasn’t here” but can become more overt and dangerous
  • Increased alcohol and drug use
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Social withdrawal from friends, family and the community
  • Dramatic mood swings
  • Talking, writing or thinking about death
  • Impulsive or reckless behavior

-National Alliance of Mental Illness

 

Warning Signs

Talk

If a person talks about:

  • Being a burden to others
  • Feeling trapped
  • Experiencing unbearable pain
  • Having no reason to live
  • Killing themselves

Behavior

Specific things to look out for include:

  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online for materials or means
  • Acting recklessly
  • Withdrawing from activities
  • Isolating from family and friends
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
  • Giving away prized possessions
  • Aggression

Mood

People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods:

  • Depression
  • Loss of interest
  • Rage
  • Irritability
  • Humiliation
  • Anxiety

-American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

 

Approaching the Situation 

  • Remove means such as guns, knives or stockpiled pills
  • Calmly ask simple and direct questions, such as “Can I help you call your psychiatrist?” rather than, “Would you rather I call your psychiatrist, your therapist or your case manager?”
  • Talk openly and honestly about suicide. Don’t be afraid to ask questions such as “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” or “Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself?”
  • If there are multiple people, have one person speak at a time
  • Ask what you can do to help
  • Don’t argue, threaten or raise your voice
  • Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong
  • If your loved one asks for something, provide it, as long as the request is safe and reasonable
  • If you are nervous, try not to fidget or pace
  • If your loved one is having hallucinations or delusions, be gentle and sympathetic, but do not get in an argument about whether the delusions or hallucinations are real

If you are concerned about suicide and don’t know what to do, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

-National Alliance on Mental Illness

 

Together, we can all make a difference.. even if it’s difference in one life… it matters. Mental Health education needs to start and we need to seriously address suicide prevention plans!

Also as a reminder.. You matter so much. Please remember that. If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please please get help. I can’t stress how much you matter.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA)

You are amazing, you are loved, you are important,

With lots of love,

Jade♥

 

Posted in Life, Tips/Advice, Uncategorized

Smile On!

So as you all know, I made a Sarahah so that all my followers/friends/lovely souls can leave me a constructive message (or a positive message). And I wanted this so I can get anonymous feedback (good or bad) about my blog or how I am doing on my social media sites.  Well, I haven’t got that many. Today I got my Third One and this is what it said:

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And as you can see my reply to this sarahah message. And this sarahah post inspired me to write this post today, I have a shorten version on my Instagram Post 

 

 

 


I use to hate my smile so much because it wasn’t straight. But after a while, and after some people kept complimenting on my smile. I started to love it. And now I do, I think its beautiful. Because when I smile, it makes other smile. And I know now that my smile is genuine.
I turned my insecurity into a beloved feature of myself

I just love how people like to pick at other’s insecurities. I don’t get how people are okay with picking at other’s insecurities! But as they say, people put others down to pick them back up. And we need to change that! How about we empower and compliment people, because that truly lifts you up and it makes you feel amazing. I do this all the time and it makes me feel wonderful.

So if you’re someone who likes to pick on people’s insecurities to make yourself feel better, don’t.. because it’s only going to make you feel worse in the end. No one likes a bully and no one likes someone who is mean. Try asking for help or complimenting others. There’s nothing wrong with having insecurities about yourself, it’s normal (sadly) and it’s something only you can fix but others can guide you. But putting others down isn’t a way to fix it.

In that case scenario that someone puts you down and/or picks at your own insecurity.. don’t let them bring you down. The biggest bully is the one in your head. And once you stand up to that one, you’ll be on top of the world and things that others say to or about you / your insecurities won’t matter to you. And you’ll reply like I did, and you’ll start to love your insecurities like I do (with some of them). And not everyone always has it together, I have some insecurities I’m still fighting with and it takes time. So take as much as time as you can.

No one is worth making you cry over or making you feel insecure or to hate your body.
Love your insecurities, just like I love my smile.

 

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Challenge: I challenge you to compliment anyone and everyone you see today. It can be someone on facebook, IG, twitter, anything. Help someone love themselves, like those people helped me loved my smile.

Keep it smiling, keep loving yourself and as always, keep it dorky.
With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

When My Dress made Me Cry..

I ordered 3 things from @charlotterusse (aka one of my favorite stores), including a dress, a shirt and a sweater dress. And i was super excited.

20067187_191070414762895_7889025006221393920_nAs you all see, I’m a small and skinny person.
I got my package in the mail today and was super super excited. I ran upstairs and tried on the red dress first.
Well, the dress (size small) fits me perfectly on the bottom part (its a bodycon dress) and I already know I don’t have the best body. I don’t have any curves, or breasts or any butt at all.
And I know that, and I was kinda already getting use to it. And then this dress happened. And I honestly almost started crying because the chest (upper) part of the dress was so baggy.
And I thought to myself. I have no body at all. And how am I suppose to wear this and feel sexy?
I am a small and skinny person but sometimes I struggle with a positive body imagine. And I absolutely hate my body. (Will probably write a blog post about it later)


 

This was from my recent Instagram Post and here we are on the blog post about this.

I ate dinner after I posted this, leaving my phone to charge and I still felt pretty crappy. After dinner, I immediately went back upstairs and cried. I felt really insecure because the top of the dress was so loose and to me, it wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to get a dress that made me look my age (as a 20 year old in her junior year in college) and to look sexy for myself and also to impress my boyfriend. Even though I don’t really need to impress him, I still like to impress.

And as the night rolled around, I got amazing comments on my IG post. And they made me feel a lot better.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry this dress made you feel bad about your body. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I also appreciate that you bring up an issue often overlooked: self-identified “skinny” people often have poor body image and feel that they are not curvy/sexy/voluptuous/[insert adjective here] enough. Unfortunately, thinner women can be shamed for admitting their body image struggles. These women often hear, “As *if* you had anything to worry about… you’re skinny.” Sadly, poor self-esteem and body shaming is not reserved for any one body type. I am grateful that you brought up the subject and I hope there are some young ladies out there who feel less alone after seeing your post. Proud of you, sista. 💜 – Weld Like A Girl

And She has an amazing point. When you think of negative body image, it’s always about “obesity” or “overweight” women. Like my friend said, if I were to complain about my body, I’d get a “well at least your skinny.” or “What do you have complain about.” etc. etc.

Well, even if I have a skinny body, I can still have insecurities about my bodies. When I wore that dress, I felt pretty great until I realized how loose the top was. And it made me feel bad because obviously the dress is made for a women with more cleavage than I do. And I thought it would fit me, since it’s a size small. And it didn’t. And knowing how guys can be, I felt unattractive because the less amount of cleavage or butt that I may have.

The second comment comes from another mental health friend, Caitlin;

I appreciate your honesty. – Caitlin

Well, it was very hard to come out and say that so openly. But I was feel so bad about myself and I just let it out through social media. And I was a little afraid of the comments that I would get, if I got any at all. And I’m really happen that I have amazing followers/friends who love and support me like they do. So thank you for all the love, support and comments!

The next comment was from another one of my followers;

“Girl you are stunning! Just remember we are all different shapes and for me, as a curvy chick, j can’t wear certain types of clothes that slim women like you would look incredible – we aren’t all going to look incredible in the same things! BUT I do think the dress looks amazing!!!! I think you could get tho top altered to fit and it would be incredible! 💋” – The Art of Self Love

This comment really meant a lot, and I think that clothing shouldn’t be made or tailored to fit certain body types. All body types are beautiful and a women should be able to wear what they want to, what makes them feel comfortable, beautiful and sexy in.

Who cares what society says. Who cares if society says you can’t wear a crop top or whatever else because you’re not “skinny,” forget that!

Wear what makes YOU feel amazing in, because when you think you look amazing… you look absolutely stunning in, not just amazing! And that betters your self love and self confident.

So yeah, maybe I don’t have the body type that society desires… and yeah, maybe that top of the dress was too loose.

But I besides that, I look fantastic! And I’m going to make it work. Because I am beautiful, regardless if my body or looks aren’t up to society’s standards of beauty or sexy.

Forget Society! You are beautiful, You are amazing, you are sexy and you are worthy!

Keep it beautiful, keep being you and always remember…

Keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade♥

Posted in Life, Tips/Advice

Knowing your awesomeness

I was talking with my boyfriend, like I normally do. But today, I was really just telling him how I feel about him. I was telling him stuff like, I see such potential in you and all the good you can do. No matter what he had to say to himself, I thought this way. And then later on in the conversation, I was saying how if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, then that’s fine. Because they are missing all of this awesomeness.

And that got me thinking…

I’ve never been so positive about myself before. But here I am, seeing my positives instead of my negatives for once.

And that’s what I want to chat about today. Knowing your awesomeness.

In today’s society, we are so focused on everything that is wrong with us and not focusing on everything that is great about us. I actually saw a post on Instagram by Depressiondetox about this topic.

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And she challenged her followers to comment with 10 things they love about themselves. I participated in that, and after the 7th one… I struggled honestly. But why is that, I can list 10 things I hate about myself but I can’t list 10 things easily?

That’s society and the media’s role in our lives. They expect us to look a certain way, act a certain way and to like certain things. It’s kind of like mind controlling us.

And it’s really unhealthy for our mental, emotional and even physical health. The way that things are with society and media really needs to change. Instead of telling youth what they should look like, why not teach youth to love their bodies regardless because every body is beautiful.

But this post isn’t about the media, my lovely friend Chloe just did a blog post about social media. So check that out – Is Social Media bad for our Mental Health? She has very great points in that.


 

What I really want to get out of this post is to teach you to learn to love yourself not hate it. Think about everything is good for you and focus on it. Because that is who you are. Not all the negative parts, like yes, that’s you, but that’s society’s stupid rules on how you should be or how you should look.

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For example, I use to hate my smile because it’s crooked. But I’ve grown to love it. My smile is pure, and once I started to become happier… My smile shows that and people can see it and it makes people happier. My smile is genuine and beautiful to me, but society and those people who are a slave to society’s rules to looks and actions, will just see it as an ugly and crooked smile.

 

 

So, embrace your awesomeness because you are awesome. You are amazing and you are beautiful just the way you are! And here’s a tip, as long as you think you are beautiful, no matter what anyone else says… you’ll be on top and you’ll think you’re beautiful even when someone says you’re not. (And when that happens, you just got to brush it off and don’t let it bother you. Negativity like that shouldn’t matter.)

So yeah, like I say to anyone who wants to leave my life. Go ahead, you’re missing out all this awesomeness!

And if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. If they are going to miss out on an amazing (And awesome!) person like you, it’s seriously their loss. I’ve realized that after a while. I use to be so afraid of people leaving my life. That’s all I was use to.. friends leaving because of my depression (this was early high school) or guys who I really like leaving me or our relationship. And after all this time, looking back. I wish I didn’t spend a lot of time and energy on getting them back or crying over them. Because, I’m doing really great right now and I didn’t need them in my life. I only need the people who want me, respect and love me for who I am.

Keep it positive, keep it awesome and like always.. keep it dorky!

With lots of love,

Jade ♥

 

Posted in Life, Mental Health Awareness, Tips/Advice

The Cost of holding your feelings in

I was having a heart to heart conversation with a good friend and he was saying how he had a death of a loved one recently and how he usually doesn’t talk to his feelings or things that are going on. And I went on this little rant on how it is important for people to talk about their feelings.

And I can’t stress how important it is to talk about your feeling and not hold it in.

When you hold it in, it’s extremely bad for your mental health, just like holding grudges. It just holds this negativity in you that you don’t even need. It creates this giant negativity cloud inside of you and it could just really mess with your mind and emotions.

If you’re only thinking about what happened in the past and holding it over you, you become more paranoid, anxious and guarded and that doesn’t help you or anyone around you.

I was like that most of my teenage years and after stepped out of myself and looking at what went wrong with a lot of my past was that I was too stuck in the past. I was so scared of the past repeating itself, I put up walls for everyone I met. And it drove them away, I made it extremely difficult for them to get close to me or to help me. And that wasn’t a great feeling for me, because it made me feel even more unlovable and that no one cared about me. And it hurt them because they didn’t feel good enough because they couldn’t close enough and help me like they wanted to.

I know the world isn’t always in a great place and there are bad people out there who just like to cause and inflict pain, but if you’re in the mindset that everyone is bad.. well, you’re really going to miss out on some great people. People who could actually be a great influence or could better your life. I always like to think that every person that comes in my life is put there for a positive reason. If even they hurt me, I try to understand and look at the bigger picture with it.

The cost of holding your feeling in, holding a grudge and even hating people, to me, I believe that it can really hurt your mental and emotional state. It can also in the end, reduce your life. when you mental and emotional state is at a constant worry and stressed out, it wrecks your immune system, which causes you to be more prone of getting sick. And you know sickness can kill you (very unlikely, but let’s be real.. being sick sucks and you get very miserable).

No one is worth having a stuffy nose, sore throat and having that cough that keep you up all night over. So try not to stress yourself out by holding a grudge or holding your feeling in or hating people. It’s seriously not worth it.

If someone hurts you, or makes you cry.. take your time dealing with it but don’t get revenge or get even. Don’t hold a grudge and when it’s time, forgive them. Because you need to let that grudge go. Do better in your life, find your own sunshine and happiness.

Holding your feelings in is just like waiting for a volcano to erupt. And that’s really not healthy. Like I told my friend who inspired this post, what you can do is, talk to a close friend (I’m even here. Just message me on social media or email me. I’ll be there), write it down. But don’t keep it bottled up. If you like art, paint or draw about it. Write a story out of it, dance about it. Just do something that doesn’t keep it bottled up.

I was never great at bottling my feelings up because I’m way too emotional. I’ll explode so easily, so I use to dance to release that negative energy and it worked. You have to find something that helps you release that negative energy, and it really does make you feel better.

I challenge you to talk to your feelings, next time you are down, anxious, mad, upset, etc. Talk to someone you trust, me, go on a mental health app or site (Apps  I can suggest is Talklife and Vent). And I also challenge you to write every day or every week. Write the date, what happened in your day, your overall feelings, the good that happen and the bad that happen and an inspiration quote that will motivate you for tomorrow.

As always, keep it open and keep it dorky.

With lots of love,

Jade ❤