I was watching the VMA’s last Sunday and I watched this artist that I’ve never heard of perform a song I didn’t know at all. I’ve heard it on the radio for like a little bit and changed the channel.
Well this artist’s performance made me cry throughout the whole thing. It was Logic’s message and performance of 1-800-273-8255 (Link is the performance).
I cried through the whole thing and about 10 minutes after and I remember texting my friend Ryan about it. He was of course concerned on why I was crying in the first place and after I explained it to him that when I was struggling with my worst parts of my depression, I never had that.
I cried because that is something I wish I had. I cried because I saw the fact that was on TV and a lot of people were watching this. I cried because this is the start of the awareness of mental health and suicide prevention. I cried because that performance and message probably helped or will help a lot of people.
I may be an extremely emotional person, in general, but this really touched me and my heart. I loved it and I’m so happy that Logic came out with that song.
Well, September is Suicide Prevention Month and World Suicide Prevention Day is coming on the 10th and I’m ready for it with my TWLOHA “Stay, Find What You Were Made For Gear” (link is provided if you want to check it out). I have little positive cards to leave around for the 10th and I’m excited.
But this is making me think of why I’m a huge advocate for this cause and for mental health and that’s because I live it everyday.
I thought back today and thought about the day I wanted to kill myself, the day I tried to attempt to.
Its a day that I try to forget as much as I can, but it’s hard to forget about it. I remember having no hope at all, I cried every night and every morning, I had cut marks all over my stomach. I thoughts that my family, my friends, my school , my community, everyone would be so much better off without me. Happier. And I was always about making others happy and this was something that could help others.
I struggled with that thoughts every day for a long.. long time, and that thoughts pops in my mind, every once in a while still. I still remember being so scared to do it, and all I could think about when I was getting ready to do it… was how would my parents actually react to it.
And I think that’s what actually broke me down more. It was like my mind was being tugged between life and death. I didn’t know what to believe, I really didn’t. And when I couldn’t do it, physically couldn’t do it. I left and I cried and cried. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go, how to get help, I didn’t know who to turn to, I didn’t know what to even say or think.
Looking back to that day, I was so thankful that I didn’t do it. I would never experience meeting amazing people who changed my life. People who gave me life, challenge me, made me feel wanted, people who were there. I would never build the strength that I have no, because without that strength, all the experiences I’ve been through.. I wouldn’t be here telling you.
If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here changing my life and others.
If I killed myself years ago, I wouldn’t be here inspiring and helping others.
If I killed myself years ago, I would never see the day that I believe in myself as I do now.
If I killed myself years ago, I would never see that things truly do get better.
This is me telling you, that it does get better. I know it feel like it’ll never get better. I know the feeling, I can’t feel what you feel but I know that thought. But you need to keep fighting, you need to keep being strong because you can and you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, to live and you are strong enough. I know you are. I believe in you.
If you or someone you know is suicidal or having suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. There are so many resources to have:
Suicide HotLine: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Textline: Text HOME to 741741
Suicide Crisis Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
And if someone is in immediate danger, dial 911.
You matter. You are worthy. You are important. You are loved. Please Stay Alive.
With lots of love,